Sippin'

Mornings are hard for a lot of people, for whatever reason. It might be you stayed up too late; might be you hate your job, hate school; might be you hate Mondays... Nah, you stayed up. You stayed up watching Adult Swim didn't you! (lol) Well, whatever it is, a lot of people solve this lack of eagerness with caffeinated drinks: coffee, cappuccino, malt, latte, whatever your particular buzz drink is.

Ever since my trip to Canada, where I had two sweet cups of hot coffee to be the cherry on top of a wonderful breakfast, I've become a bit more of a regular coffee drinker. In the course of my drinking, I've come to a realization; the genius of hot drinks.

Yes, caffeine is a kick start to get you on your way. I don't like putting influencing agents in my body like that, personally. But I'll tell you what I do like; I like what hot drinks do to make you pace yourself. See, when you wake up with a hot cup of coffee, you can't drink it down but so fast; you'll burn yourself. The only way you can take it is one sip at a time. That's a beautiful thing. Yes the caffeine wakes you up, but that heat keeps you from rushing into your day.

And I find, when I can't settle down and when my mind is going a million miles a second, a hot drink really makes me calm down, whether I want to or not. Coffee is dope in the morning, but I can drink it any time of day; as long as it's hot and just sweet enough. I also have a homemade creation, ginger green tea, that I sometimes drink to ease me at night . It's ginger-ale from the store that I've heated to boiling with a bit of raw ginger that I use to steep about 2 bags of green tea. As I sip, it burns with both the warmth from the stove top and with the spice of the ginger astringent. You can only take but so much at a time, but it's good for ya, lol.

So, as you start off your rough mornings with your lil' pep, whatever it may be, take note of the value of the heat that makes you take it slow. And any time you just can't slow down, try sippin' a hot drink, cuz anything more than sippin' is gonna teach you a valuable lesson: some things in life you simply can't rush, lol.

B-J

I-B-O-NIT: A Jigabod Moment

Dag, even the title rhymes. Smh...

Kay, remember a few posts ago when I was tambout RoboCop and how his motif is the antithesis to Darth Vader's motif? Well uh...

So I'm watching this VH1 show, "When Star Wars Ruled the World", right. Come to find out: John Williams, the dude that did RoboCop's theme, is the SAME cat that composed for the original Star Wars! That boi Jigabod got an ear doesn't he?! And they want me to be a teacher... psht


I-B-O-NIT (My new Jedi name)
B-J

The Genius of God

I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now, but as I sat here and watched this music video with NASA images from space, I was finally inspired to write it. I don't know what you believe out there, but I believe in the Trinity, and I believe the Bible as it's written. And the same effortless, meticulous intricacies I see in the Word of God, I see in the works of God. In short, God is a genius.

I watched these images from space: nebulas, galaxies, solar systems, asteroids, planets, stars, novas, constellations. And I couldn't find words to describe them, or the genius that went into them. I saw things that oddly resembled familiar sites, like a nebula that resembled a wolf on one side and a fish on the other. I saw things that looked like things from my own imagination; clusters of celestial objects that resembled some sort of gateway into who knows what. I also saw things that resembled nothing I had ever seen before. The only thing I could say was, they resembled what spirits should look like in my own mind. And they were HUGE. It had me thinking; maybe we don't see spirits because they're so massive that we simply don't have the scope from where we are. Wouldn't that be something?

But this Genius, He knows we're so limited in scope. So He makes himself apparent in the smallest of things. I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror. In case you didn't know, I'm a relatively furry cat. But I also have had sensitive skin most of my life. It's the "proper thing to do" to shave if you're a hairy person, but one day I thought about it. I have blemished skin, but when I allow my hair to grow, it evens my tone. The solution to my skin was already in place when I took a step back and let what God set in motion occur, lol.

I thought about elderly people who become ill and end up with more poison in their bodies from all their medications than damage from the illness itself. But the amazing thing is, God actually gave our bodies a remarkable healing factor: IF we take care of our bodies and allow them to work without so much aid. I think sometimes we're so much in control that we override the solution to our afflictions before we realize its there. Give the Genius time to work.

From the outer reaches of space to the first cell of your own body to the very molecules that give structure to matter itself; maybe to something even more intricate that our limited human senses can't even perceive. God's genius is all around us. I'm thankful that I can see the genius in his Word as well. When most people do their best to escape it as a book of punishment and restriction, I look at the choices we make instead of doing God's will and the end results and realize it's a book of protection; a book written by a Father who wants to shelter His children from self-inflicted injury and impending destruction.

I'm not a deist; the Word is where God reveals His true nature as it pertains to us, and only partially in nature itself. And I'm not a scientologist or anything like that. But God's genius is just so obvious, and so wonderful that I thought I'd mention it. And the best thing about it; even though the expanse of the universe is so endless, He spends His time watching over you and watching over me like we were the only people in the world. To be valued in such a vast, infinite universe is really something. You should think about that whenever you feel alone or worthless.

B-J

Nice Guy Survival Kit: Women's Network Epilogue

I prooooomise, I was only watching a Different World this time! And in my last blog it was a marathon on Nick at Night, not on Oxygen! I'ma make this short I prooooomise!

Okay, so I'm watching A Different World on Oxygen cuz I like A Different World a whole lot all of a sudden, and I'll watch it WHEREVER it comes on. But then this commercial comes on: "They didn't think we had the balls to pull off a successful women's network..."

I would just like to say... NO WE DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD THE BALLS TO DO SH!T. CUZ YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE BALLS! STOP DEFINING YOURSELVES RELATIVE TO MEN! 'Like anything you do doesn't have worth until man is factored into the equation... HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT WOMEN! 'AMMMMNNNN...

That's some da craziest ish I ever heard... "They didn't think we had the balls..." I HOPE NOT! Shoot...

(shudders)

Chirp, Chirp

I'm sleeping, I know I am. I haven't seen anything yet. It's still early. The night is so cool; I can even tell as I sit here. I got the nerve to crack a window right now.

I hear crickets chirping. I don't know why that stirs me tonight; reminds me of being back in the country. I'm watching reruns of A Different World. Ha... Cree Summer, Jasmine Guy, Jada Pinkett, Lisa Bonet, Marisa Tomei. Man, I really was born a generation too late, lol.

Still, I feel so close to days gone by. I rest on them at the close of my evenings. I even went so far as to throw on old favorites. Nah, not that old; I'm not a geezer. Just some tunes from when I was a scrapper... aight, a nerd. "Love Makes Things Happen" by Babyface and Pebbles (she was such a fox; "fox" was the word back then, lol). And "Forever More" by Puff Johnson. Dag that song has been with me for sooooo long and I never knew who sings it until tonight. I could look her up and see her face but... I like imagining better.

I was talking with a younger homie of mine a few days ago about music. And I said something that really stuck to me. We listened to old classics from all decades, and I told him, "Man, we were raised on better stuff than what's on the radio. We need to act like it. If we came up on better music, cats should be able to see that." Something like that.

The point is, I feel like I'm sleeping. Better music, better television, better health, better hopes, better dreams, better relationships, better upbringing, better friends... better days. Gone without a trace. But where did they go? Am I crazy? I know I'm not crazy. Lisa, you gotta know I'm not crazy. I'm looking at you right now, how could I be crazy?

I just figured out something; THAT's why I listen to old music so much. Because that's my proof. It's the only thing I have that I can extend in hand and say, "Here is the evidence of greater things. And I've lived through it; why can't we go back, Marisa?"

I think I'm asleep. I think many of us are asleep. What happened to the dreams of the 80's children, Cree? I know we're alive, and our time is coming. But we've changed sooo much! What have we buried within ourselves; what have we forgotten; what have we surrendered to; what have we given up on. I can feel something powerful within.

I'm so tired. I'm tired of sleeping. I dunno how to wake up. It's not possible for so much to be instilled in me and it never resurface. Even if it were to manifest itself in a spontaneous combustion incident or something; there's got to be more. I just want to blaze as the proof that there's more. I won't do it as a monument to myself. But I'll do it because I believe there's others like me out there, and if we could all just tap into that sleeper inside of us... dag this sounds like grade A cheese. But I'm SO sincere about it.

I don't want an amen corner or a right-on with my fries; nor do I need a pat on the back or the subsequent "pitiful" head-shake. You know what I want? I want that sleeper in my chest, in the deepest depths of my mind, in my fingertips, to hear the crickets. You've rested long enough; time won't wait for us. It truly is a different world now. It's time for you to wipe away the sleep and stretch into a good morning like never before. And don't pretend you're not there; if you're not, then stop making all that noise.

...It's a cool night. Wish it could last longer; it feels wonderful. But, the day is coming. So many things to do that I've never done before. Let's "make things happen" like love this time, aight?

Chirp, chirp

If I Had a Million Dollars...

H3ll NO I won't be "big ballin"! Dummies! That's why ya'll ain rich now! MUWAHAHAHA

I got this so figured out; you gimme 1 million and I'ma be STRAIGHT. Peep game, and yes, THIS is what having game is about:

1. 10% off the top to the Lord. Do it fast, and ya ain gotta think about it. Ain it funny how the more you have, the less you wanna give tho? Anyway... $900,000 right?

2. Investment! I might start off by investing juuuust enough. Enough for what? Peep game: a friend told me about an investment account where if you invest just $30,000, you get $3,000 a month in returns. Guess what folks: that's more than enough to pay my monthly bills in the house I live in AND buy me groceries with a couple hundred extra left over!

But nooo, I'm a shifty playa... If $30,000 will get me $3,000 a month, then $100,000 will bring me... (cymbal crash) $10,000 a MONTH suckas! HANDLE THAT: $100,000 in ONE investment account with a $10,000 a month in returns.

That takes me down to $800,000 making $10,000 a month sitting on my ARSE! I'M RICH BIAT...ahm. Bills cut tha $10,000 to $7,000+ in returns; big deal. But oh no, it gets better...

3. Blam, I'm gonna pay off this house I'm living in. $70,000ish, and no more worrying about a mortage. No more interest building up. BAM. A quick hit, but I"m still sitting on $730,000 with $7,000 in investment returns a month. Keep watching...

4. I'ma get a JOB! But get this: I'ma get a COMFORTABLE job! Why? Cuz I'm not in it for the money obviously; I'm in it cuz I WANT to be in it. It'll give me a lil extra finance, keep me occupied, and help me build up my resume. Something as simple as a tutor or mentor or counselor where I spend my time doing what I do best: talking. So I'm sitting on $730,000, impervious to bills, making $7,000 a month from investments, with a job adding about an extra $1, 000+ a month. But the saga continues...

5. You know all that expensive, high-quality equipment I wanna get but I'm too broke to buy? I'M RICH BIAT...ahem. MPC's, Mixers, Mics, Soundproofing, MacIntosh, Amp, Instruments... You're all mine for about the amount of 3 months worth of investment returns AFTER bills!!! WHATCHU GONNA DO? WHATCHU GONNA DO?!!!

But get this; with all that, I can make the music I wanna make and SELL IT OUTTA MY TRUNK IN MY SPARE TIME, seeing as how I only have a minor job eating my time up. So...

I'm sitting on $730,000; $10,000+ a month coming in from investments, minus a mere $3000 for bills, so $7,000 profit; minus a one time fee of about $21,000 for studio equipment; plus an extra $1000 from a dead end job; plus WHO KNOWS what from distributing my own music! Keep watching...

6. Build my entrepreneurial empire. I'm gonna pursue the music to the fullest and build a record label/production company and enlist the help of the appropriate people to keep it working. I'm gonna do a round-up of all the cats I've been working with over the years nationwide that know what I'm about and wanna contribute; share the wealth fo-sho. If done correctly, the end result could bring a sizable profit , and I'd no longer hafta go outta my trunk and kill time that way. SWEET. By this time, I'd be sitting on waaaaay more than enough to take care of me AND my lil sis.

7. Start pricing houses brotha! By this point, like I said, I could support me AND my lil sis. But truthfully, I could support that... while supporting a whole different location! Think I'm crazy? Peep game:

8. You know that lil $7000 extra I make in investment returns a month? Shooooot... Why just sit on it? I'LL INVEST THAT TOO! And I don't even hafta do it consistently, lol. I could put about $35,000 worth in a second investment account, and from there on out, I'll be getting $7000 a month PLUS an extra $3,000+. $10000 a MONTH peeps!


9. So, I'm sitting on $730,000. My bills are paid with $10,000 A MONTH left over. I got a record empire making my dreams come true and giving me a profit. I got a lil job on the side to kill time and tack an extra $1000 a month on. Son... You know what time it is... I'M GOIN COURTIN! HECK YES, I'm gonna find me a woman, and I'm gonna be able to sit next to her and tell her "I'm set." BUT, I'm not that big a fool, lol.

Remember when I said "I'm not ballin"? See, I won't be; I'll just be wealthy. So I'll kick it with the lady, get to know her. If I dig her and we decide to make it happen, THAT's when she'll find out I'm sitting pretty. The real blessing of it is me knowing I have the finances to go all the way with the relationship, PLUS spoil her, cuz that's what I love to do, lol.

10. Pick out a house. (deep breath) Bout to make that mooove brotha. Yup yup, can't start a family in a house witcha family, that just ain right. So boom, get ready to purchase a comfy, not super-lavish crib. Not at first anyway. Then I'ma be clever right, and drive my lady past the house I pick one day and ask her how she likes it. Then...

11. I'm gettin MARRIED brotha! All ya'll niggas of all races invited. All my partners in crime on the music scene, all the family, all the friends. It's gonna be a lavish occasion, I can kiss about 100,000 goodbyyye, lol. Honeymoon on the MOON son, lol. J/k, but we are getting the hegg outta dodge in the nastiest way. I'm tambout.... shh....lez hit Brazil or sumn.

12. Make sure my lil sis is squared away. Big bro is paid enough to take care of her in her crib long as she needs me, but when she gets to a point where she can fully support herself, ohhh joy...

13. I'm goin on TOUR son! With my music empire flourishing, I'm taking the wife, and we're gonna roll with the team (so I hope she loves music and travelling as much as I do). But then, the tour comes to a screeching halt when we discover...

14. GASP, I'M GONNA BE A RICH DADDY BIAT...ahem. Yessir, raise me a family. And while we're still young too. Wow wow wow, lol. Be nice to be able to afford to spend more time with my team and not in the world.

15. I'm MOVIN SON! Canada I think would be very nice. So when I get in the mid 30s to 40, we gon DIP Miss. Yes yes yes.

16. Endgame; when my time comes, I'm gonna leave my family wit a SIZABLE mountain to sit on, AND the formula on how to KEEP it sizable.

SHYUHHH. Lemme get just $1,000,000 and it's a WRAP!

B-J

Nice Guy Survival Kit (This is Exactly Why Men Shouldn't Watch Lifetime Movies)

Sorry ladies, ya'll gon hafta let me have this one and that's just the way it is. And for this particular instance, I gotta say: ya'll be on some buhhhhsh!t. Don't get mad, you say it about us all the time. Didn't hurt us, won't hurt you.

So I happened to glance at this Lifetimeish movie the other day right? I usually don't hate on those kinda movies; every now and then they're kinda entertaining right? But don't get the wrong idea; I don't watch these movies a lot. I used to peep em with my mom. ANYWAY...

I stopped to watch this movie, can't even remember what it's called. But the premise is this; good boy goes bad to get girls. Why? Because he tried being a nice guy a million times, and he ended up in the friend zone a million times. But this is what got me right... When he goes bad, he finally meets a girl that "allegedly" would not have put him in the friend zone. Her argument boiled down to, "Just keep being a nice guy and being a nice guy and being a nice guy and eventually you come across somebody who will appreciate it. And don't worry about what happened in the past."

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD UP. Is it just me, or is that some dumb ish to tell somebody? Keep trying and trying and getting denied until you get what you're looking for... That's some biiiig talk. So lemme get this straight; suppose this girl wasn't "the one" and he got denied again. According to this chick, if it takes eleventy nice guy tries and eleventy friend zone denials to find that one, he should suck it up and do it eleventy times. Hell no, Lifetime. I see why they call it lifetime. Let's do some role reversal: let that have been a nice girl. If she got dogged like that, women woulda been like "men are dogs" and "she has a right to be angry and upset and be nasty because they're not treating her right". Screw you!

But let's be practical people; the nice guy routine. Women must think being nice is the easiest ish in the world. Get real: being a nice guy only pays when you find a nice girl. DAGGG, I'm gonna put that on a T-SHIRT!!! IT ONLY PAYS TO BE A NICE GUY WHEN YOU FIND A NICE GIRL!!! OWN3D.

When you're a nice guy, this is whatchu gotta deal with: you're gonna spend more money. You're gonna settle for less than what you really want. You're gonna get rejected more. You're gonna get heckled by all ya peeps. You're gonna look for the same niceness in return, but yous one luckee suckaa if you find it. You're gonna consider suicide on several occasions. You're gonna spend more money. You're gonna burn more gas, hence, you're gonna spend more money. You're gonna be dissappointed a hell of a lot. You're gonna wonder what's wrong with you, when in truth you've done nothing wrong. You're gonna get mad when you see other dudes get away with stuff. You're gonna think women are stupid. You're gonna think you're stupid. And pretty soon, you're gonna hear that song that goes, "Do you think you're better off alone," and you're gonna say "HELL YES".

Now don't get me wrong, I understood what the woman was saying COMPLETELY; yes a dude should be a nice guy IN CASE he meets the right nice girl. But it's the tone I didn't like. Like she EXPECTED the dude to just KNOW that she was a nice girl that wouldn't let him down this time, and on credit alone he shoulda just risked it again (and personally, I put $50 on she was just saying that sh!t; had he treated her nice, she woulda put that white brotha in the friend zone, watch what I tell ya). Now me, I woulda sucked it up and continued being the nice guy anyway, but that doesn't make it right! When you get rejected over and over and over and over, but you do everything right every time, why SHOULD a man believe there's any incentive to it? It's just like that saying, "If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got." And girls demand that we be nice guys so matter-of-factly, but that's because, due to the double standard, they don't hafta be "nice girls" as much as we hafta be "nice guys". They can be mean as heck; there will always be a nice guy somewhere to victimize, lol... (or will there?)

Jigabod is foolish, but no fool... You see, there's always a solution, lol. If there's a way, I'm WILL FIND it. Nice guys listen up; I'm gonna put you up on somethin, and we're gonna survive this hogwash. BEHOLD:

IN order to remain a nice guy and not be disappointed my brothas, you must throw your romantic intentions to the dust! Yes, you might like her, but there is an ENDLESS SEA of women out there! Do not be a nice guy just to get her attention! Be a nice guy because you feel like it! She cannot put you IN the friend zone if you approach her as a friend to begin with! You must learn that the single life is not to be feared brothas! If you become one with your singleness, no woman can hold you for ransom by playing with your emotions, then making you drop her off and breaking your heart at the door!

Ohhh my nice guy brethren... Be nice guys because it's a nice day outside, not because she's a woman! Be nice because you feel nice, not because you want her to think you're nice! You can DO IT brothas! If she wants you then fine, let her display it. But do NOT treat your niceness like an appliance to turn on and off! Don't be afraid to lose a girl or two! There's other women out there! Learn to dust your shoulder off my brothas! Repeat after me: "IT ONLY PAYS TO BE A NICE GUY WHEN YOU FIND A NICE GIRL!"

Ohh this is a glorious day. No longer will nice guys be hurt by girls who don't appreciate it. For you see, we no longer do it for you; we do it cuz we FEEL like it! We'll be nice to girls we don't even LIKE! Brothas, if she's special, she will SHOW YOU she's special. You don't hafta give her the benefit of the DOUBT! Be nice by default, and not to get that woman's attention! Be just as nice when you're single as you are when you're on a date! The only difference is you dress up like a penguin and slow ya walk to a waddle!

SURVIVE my nice guy brethren!! LIve! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!! SCREW YOU LIFETIME ORIGINALS!!!

(I ain watchin Lifetime/WE/Oxygen no mo'...)B-J

If I Am Ever Condemned to Teach...

I have a terrible, terrible-beyond-words feeling. It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt with the narrow exception of my mother’s passing. Should my feeling ever come to pass, it would be the most terrible, crushing blow I’ve ever suffered. It hurts me to the pit of my soul to even imagine that it could possibly occur. A moment ago, I did something that I’ve done my best to avoid doing; I considered.

I considered the possibility that my true calling is teaching. I considered the possibility that my musical and literary aspirations are only a diversion to an inevitable fate that will land me in the classroom. No… I should put it like this…

I considered the possibility that, though I may resist and pursue my aspirations and become what I want to become, perhaps it’s not what God meant for me and He intends that I become that teacher. One thing about being a Christian: it’s always about His will over our own. And so, wherever He wants me to be, that’s where I need to be, even if I don’t want to be there. And I allowed myself to entertain the possibility that my future, my true calling, is within the confines of a monotonous, restricted, uncreative, dusty, chalk-residued, marker-stained, overcrowded classroom.

As I pondered this loathsome thought, I only grew sicker and sicker. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but the anger wouldn’t allow the sadness to surface. Me: a friggin teacher. Me: another facilitator for parents to neglect their children. Me: constricted to be a part of a fatally flawed system that I don’t even believe in. Me: teaching kids how to pass tests knowing they’re not getting a true education. Me: teaching history’s half-truths. Me: adopting the “professional look” to be accepted by higher-ups that I really give less than a funny thing about.

I can see it now. I’d be the most cynical, most sharp-words-spitting, most inhospitable, most hated, most petty, most vindictive, most caustic person on campus. I can’t see myself being anything less; my ultimate nightmare comes true and I hafta do it for a living for who knows how long. My mom was in the field for 20 some odd years; I’m not even as old as her career. My favorite occasion would be when coworkers try to do something nice for me; maybe a surprise party for my birthday or something, and I don’t even hang around for it. Or maybe I get a plaque for my work and “accidentally” drop it. And no, I’m not going to any faculty get-together dinners, parties, none of that.

School property will be damaged. I will throw textbooks, maybe even in front of the kids. Break a yardstick, that’s nothing. Kick over a stool, without a second thought. Broken closet hinges, no sweat. But this is the most highly anticipated one: I may be the first teacher to ever hit a parent. Yeah, there’s rules against messing with students, but let somebody’s parent come to the school on some nonsense. Shoot… after all the turmoil they’re causing in the school system? That’s the dopest way I could ever get fired.

But see, the scariest-scariest thing about all of it is, I actually could be a teacher. A GOOD teacher. I don’t even know why I’m taking education courses right now; it’s all most-basic common sense to me. I’ve done most of it at some point in my life already; I even taught an impromptu Latin class before I even graduated high school. The hardest thing is just knowing your subject; if you know your subject and you communicate effectively, then it's NOTHING. My mom was a teacher; I watched her do her thing on occasion. It scares me because the more I think about it, the more it seems teaching is my calling.

But I HATE SCHOOL!!! It’s not even like I’m going in to be a true teacher because the system’s so screwed up: the PTA is nil; the teachers are working double shifts as teacher and parents; the kids are off the chain; the administrators are up to their ears with discipline; reading, 'riting, and 'rithmetic done took a back seat to No Child Left Behind and standardized testing; and the federal goverment is on some "let's take funding away from below-grade schools so they can get better!", the friggin GENIUSES!! And NO, SCREW fixing it from the inside! Do you know how many years I’d hafta teach before I have tenure enough for anybody to give a d@mn what I say? Do you know how many kids are gonna be fed into the system in that span of time? What the heck kinda priorities… nevermind. Bottom line, I fit the bill of a teacher, and that’s not cool. Not cool at all.

And I get this strange feeling that somehow Somebody does want me to teach… If that’s the case, then I’m just sh!t outta luck, huh. And don’t hit me with that “He’ll bless you no matter where you are if you’re in His will.” This I know, obviously; I teach Sunday School presently by the way, shoulda mentioned that earlier I guess. It doesn’t make me any more receptive to the classroom than telling me “it’ll keep you from getting sick” makes me receptive to a vaccine from a doomsday-economy-sized-big-a$$ syringe in the RECTUM. And it’s pessimistic of me to say, but the fact that I hate the idea of me teaching so much makes it seem that much more likely to be the outcome. Because God often does put us in the most awkward, undesirable positions to make us learn Him, lean on Him, and trust Him; to show us what we’re capable of and all that jazz. As much as I’ve been trying to make this music thing come to pass, I figure I shouldn’t hafta become a teacher to get closer to Him. Now I’m getting even closer to Him from praying that teaching isn’t even in my remote future.

First days of school sucked before, but I can’t even imagine how bad my first day as a teacher would suck. I can’t even see myself living too-too long if I become a teacher cuz my blood pressure is prolly gonna be insane. I’ll prolly stop being invited to family occasions cuz I’m gonna have so much animosity against family that wanted me to teach. And I’ma definitely need a wife to help me along cuz I’ma be a basketcase so big you could take a whole buffet to the picnic. And my music… I’ll probably be so mad that even if I have time to pursue it during summer breaks, I’ll be too pissed to do it. I’ll prolly pull my Afro out… oops my bad. They’ll prolly make me cut the sh!t anyway for the “professional look”.

I’ma say this right now so I ain got da tell nobody later: I don’t do graduations. I don’t do proms. I don’t do games. I don’t do homecomings. I don’t do field days. I don’t do carwashes. I don’t do chaperoning on field trips. I don’t do conflict resolution. I don’t do conferences. I don’t do staff development. I don’t do pep rallies. I don’t do assemblies. I don’t do house calls. I don’t do ties. I don’t do heart-to-heart, mouth-to-mouth, or toe-to-toe. I don’t do fire drills. If I get called to teach, I’ma TEACH and that’s about ALL ya gonna GET. DAG this is a long blog!

Right now, I’m actually laughing a little bit. But that’s not a good thing. See, sometimes I laugh because I know I’m up the creek stankin. That’s my, “Gimme your best shot” laugh. It’s when I really don’t care if I win or lose, either way I’m too far gone to care. It’s like, I would get just as much pleasure out of being rotten as a teacher as I would having success with my music. I know it’s not a good way to be, but whaddaya expect?? I told you how much I hate school a looooong time ago! Guess you thought I was playing... Just pray that I’m wrong about this hunch so you don’t hafta worry about your kids ending up in my class and me making a knockout poster out of you when you come up to the school with your nonparenting a$$ and try to make a situation out of something when the real problem is your child has no home training cuz you suck as a parent and should be arrested for child neglect.

Goodnight.

The Great Qi Mystery Continues: "Kinesthesia"

Kinesthesia... I just love the way it rolls off my tongue. I picked up this word watching a very dope anime, "IGPX: Immortal Grand Prix", and I knew I needed to know this word. On this particular episode, during a race it was said a racer used kinesthesia to accomplish an incredible feat: balancing two racing ships on her own ship while continuing to guide her ship toward the finish line.

The very moment I heard the word, I felt like it was relevant to me; I felt like I had used kinesthesia before. Like when I shot a bow and arrow in PE class as a youth, and when I used to shoot basketball, and when I shot a pellet gun before. It's a strange feeling; I forget about my body and focus on making the shot, but at the same time my body does just what it needs to, like magic almost. And my shots, especially with the gun and arrows, were exceptionally accurate.

So what is kinesthesia? It's not really that difficult. It simply is the ability to know the position of your body relative to other body parts. Close your eyes. Put you finger on your nose. You used kinesthesia to accomplish that; if you couldn't do that, you're either drunk or you have terrible kinesthesia, lol. (A more fun exercise is trying to point your fingers together with your eyes closed)

Kinesthesia is reminiscent of hand-eye coordination, except without the eyes. The only thing you rely on to know your body's position in kinesthesia is the nerves at the ends of your muscles all over your body. Then it hit me: Bruce Lee. I remember Bruce used to talk about having "awareness" of his body; when he was in a fight, he was fully aware of himself. That allowed him to concentrate on the fight itself instead of his bodily actions and reactions. Now I see even more what he meant when he said "there is no fight"; he was able to function almost without thinking and everything he did in the fight was not calculated, but natural. Could it be that Bruce Lee achieved total body kinesthesia?

I did a little more reading and found something else interesting. Searching for ways to improve kinesthesia, I came across the "Alexander Technique". As I read on, I came across the notion that "habit diminishes sensation". But the goal of kinesthesia is to basically totally rely on sensation. As I read further in the same article, an interesting theory jumped out at me: mastering kinesthesia frees the mind to concentrate on other things. Hmm....

So here's where I have another unsubstantiated hunch...

Martial artists train and train and train their bodies using kata until the movements are second nature to them, right? So... in a fight situation, I believe less thought is dedicated to movement. However, as I said before, kinesthesia is not simply memorizing motions, programming oneself you might say, and following through; that's where traditional martial arts (as opposed to Jeet Kune Do) conflicts with kinesthesia. Kinesthesia would be the martial artist who makes his every move consciously and not out of habit, and is mentally aware of his every movement as it happens. The picture of this is the blind fighter; he devotes none of his brainpower to his vision, so there's more to dedicate to his own movements. I wonder if a fighter were to be deprived of sight and hearing, where would his mind dedicate its energy? I hope you see where I'm going, lol.

Perhaps a fervent pursuit of the sense of kinesthesia would answer this question. I have a hunch that the mastery of kinesthesia would free the mind enough that it could direct it's energy to other things, i.e. Qi? It's a lead.

Big shout to Cartoon Network and Wikipedia, lol
B-J

Jigabod Meets the Predator (warning, AVP spoilers!)

Oh yeah... Gotta do this one.

So I'm back in my Jedi fantasma. Doing my best to keep cool, but this cat is a lot more intimidating that my homie RoboCop. I mean, his first opponent was Arnold Schawartzagiggity and a bunch of yahoos with big guns. Second was Brotha Danny Glover the half-lethal weapon. But then... then my man tried to put the moves on Sanaa Lathan and fight the most biggest-headed creatures of all time: the aliens (isn't that bogus they don't have actual names? isn't aliens a bit generic?)

I'm tambout... the Predator. Or should I say Predators? The dopest race of aliens I've seen in movies to date (cept that green Jedi chick that they gunned down in episode III, she was cu.... CURSE YOUUUUU ORDER 66!!). First of all, they've got dreads man; they're with "us". I mean look, in AVP one of em even tried to holla at a sista. That's dope.

Um... that could also be a problem for "us", but that's another day's entry.

What I love about the Predators is that they're warriors, not monsters like their alien counterparts. They actually have a culture. They have martial arts along with their high tech weaponry. I mean, that boomerang that the one was using in AVP was ice; he put on a show with that thing. And the scene where he pops out of nowhere with a winding twist and drives a stake in to the alien queen; a thing of beauty.

They're sentient beings and not just killers; they have beliefs pertaining to life and death. I loved in AVP the dynamic of the Predator cooperating with the human, and I believe his impending death contributed to that. They're resourceful; a Predator found a means to communicate with a human and fashioned weaponry from the body of his fallen alien foe. I also like how he communicated that the device he had was a bomb in that one scene, lol.

And then... well then there's the weapons. The shoulder mounted cannon has a lot of names on it I must admit; from ALL the Predator movies, lol. Then you got ur two pronged claws; also have a lot of names on em. Ur expando-contracto staff; hasn't seen much action, but dope nonetheless. And my new favorite: the bladed boomerang. Ohhh the possibilities, lol. And to accompany the arsenal, these cats actually LOVE to FIGHT! I mean, they raise aliens like chickens just to kill em; THAT's some Goku, "I wanna be the best me I can be" warrior type ish, lol.

One thing tho Predator brothas. For the sake of all that's decent, keep ya masks on. Also, Jigabod might wanna get a tatt of that symbol on ya helmet, but tell a brotha what it means so he don't go humiliating himself, cuz if it's on some matrimonial ish, I don't do male humans and I SHO don't do male aliens. You can kill me bout that one if you want to...

(low buzzing) Hup, whaddaya know! My lightsaber's working. To be continued FOO...B-J

Jigabod Meets RoboCop

Ight, so in my own mind the dopest thing I could ever be is a Jedi. I'd have an orange lightsaber with a problem staying lit that just tends to light up when I need it to, which would cause me to become ridiculously skilled at hand to hand combat by necessity. I'd use the force to manipulate a set of dominoes and to heal wounded spirits, specifically of females. And I'd spend my time corrupting Yoda into becoming a Jedi hustler by beating the breaks off of him in dominoes. And that's why I'll never be a Jedi, lol.

But before I accept my fate and go back to reality, I gotta make a quick stop. Last few days, they've been playing Robocop movies like crazy. Yo, I forgot just how dope RoboCop is! When I was little, the movies used to scare me a bit, but now that I'm older I might hafta buy at least the first one.

The thing that's cool about RoboCop is he's like a cowboy. He moves slow as heck since he's a robot, but it creates crazy suspense when he gets in tight spots cuz it's not like you can tell him to run, lol. His gun's shaft is long as HECK! It's like, when he points a gun at somebody the nozzle seems to be in their face no matter how far away he is, lol. Oh, and you can't forget the holster; my boy has a holster built INTO HIS LEG. How dope is that?! And he does the whole gun trick like a cowboy too! Wonder who programmed that into him.

The helmet is gangsta. I'm sorry, but chrome domes just rock. I'd love to see him headbutt somebody just for the heck of it. Homie has a technological spike built into his hand for data transfer. ...Yeah right, my man RoboCop STABBED somebody with that joint, lol. He's a regular one-claw Wolverine in this piece.

He's always got a little lady to look after, can't be mad at the man ya know? Runs in the family. But this is the absolute dopest thing about RoboCop: his motif. I promise you, RoboCop's motif is one of the dopest hero anthems EVER produced. I say, and stand by this declaration: RoboCop's motif is the antithesis to Darth Vader's motif. Take it to the bank.

Sadly, however, the odds of RoboCop beating Darth Vader are slim to none; if he can get his gun up he has a chance, cuz bullets are faster than them sorry-a$$ lasers on Star Wars that get deflected. But Vader's got the force itself on his side to deflect bullets, or probably keep Robo from drawing his gun in the first place, not to mention a light-saber to make short work of that titanium exo.

However... Vader didn't count on Jigabod in the passenger seat when Robo rolled up. DOMINO FOO!

And I'm outB-J



But the greatest

QUICK-THOUGHT! CATCH-IT! CATCH-IT!!

Okay-okay, something just hit me...

Okay, right now, I have NO idea what I want my ideal woman to look like. It's something I had already realized, but never really gave any thought to. But then something hit me...

Ordinarily when we don't have a preference, the first thing we do is what? Go trying to find something to prefer right? But why? What for? I just realized: we have such a hard time adjusting to things because we get fixated on things before we actually have them.

So let's say right now, I don't have a preference in my ideal mate. I know some things I don't want, but I don't have anything in particular that I do want. GOOD. Instead of going out of my way to create frills, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna say "Lord, I know there's somebody out there for me, or maybe there isn't. Either way, You have at it. I'ma chill and let You send me whoever she is."

Boom. And just like that, my chances of dissappointment have been drastically reduced. Since there's only one person out there for me, it makes no sense to dream up somebody who might possibly not fit her description. Pessimistic? I don't think so. Maybe it's easy to say all this cuz I really don't care anymore; I've been single over a decade and I almost wear it like a badge of honor. I mean, truth be told, it hasn't been as bad as you might think; I'm alone and not lonely. So, as much as I love romance itself, I'm a bit apathetic about finding a mate. And the funnest thing about it... what the hegg is anybody gonna do? Hitch me? lol

And naw, that wasn't a typo; I really said "funnest".

And heck, since I have no preference, the irony is she may be easier to spot, cuz I don't have my own expectations blocking me. Weird huh? It doesn't feel like I've said anything, but I think u'll feel me when it sinks in.

So, Lord, when you get around to it, I'm around. However You wanna do it, it's cool.

Five Alarm Blaze

Quick shoutout to Billy Gunz, one of the illest MCs I know. A few months ago, we decided to do a collaboration. Being that this cat is top notch, I pulled out all the stops on my verse, which I hadn't done in years.

It was HARD TO RHYME that verse! I mean truly HARD! But I finally got it out using a little production work. I really didn't like the fact I was struggling like that though; when I was 17-18, I could've done it easily.

But the funny thing is, once I complete a verse, it gets easier to rhyme it because I have it almost memorized and know how it flows. And for the last few days, I've been repeating that verse to myself. But it was so difficult that it's actually improving my delivery just to repeat it! It's become a personal exercise to help me regain my quickness and dexterity.

I'm very excited by the results of my practicing; it will not be long before I'm just as lyrically dextrous as I was when I was starting out. Gunz, thanx for forcing me to push myself. I just might redo that verse to let you see what I can REALLY do, lol.

Jesus PeaceB-J

Watermelon Season Foos

Ay, I saw the Lost Episodes of Dave Chappelle the other day. FUNNY STUFF, lol. But I gotta say this, regarding the pixie skit: I ain got no pixies foo! BWAHAHAHA, I'm a Black man and coincidentally, YES I DO like fried chicken, watermelon, kool aid, soul food, and most other things people stereotype with Black people, thick women included. And I will EAT ALL THAT STUFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF A WHITE MAN'S FACE, thick women excluded... yeah. But you know why? Because the truth is, White people probably like that stuff too, but they're scared of THEIR pixies, lololol.

I love all people folks, but it's friggin true; there's no way in hell White people don't like fried chicken as much as we do, I'm sorry. Ya'll frontin, ya'll pretending, ya'll lettin that lil dixie pixie run ya'll LIFE! I ain scurred, lol...

Anyway... that was fun. The REAL subject of this blog is... I'm on a hot streak of pickin watermelons this season. And I thought it would be robbery not to share some watermelon wisdom so ya'll can enjoy the rest of ya summer. My gift to people of all races; three tips to get the most out ya watermelons...

1) This is one thing I remember my pop teaching me: you pick the watermelon by the stem. Look for the watermelons that still have the stem attached. And then, of those, pick the ones who's stems are still green, especially around the base closest to the watermelon itself. I've followed that three times this year and three times it's been all to the good.

2) EAT THE SEEDS FOOS! You can't enjoy a watermelon while spitting all the seeds out, lol. They will NOT hurt you, they will NOT cause watermelons to grow in ya stomach like that little story they used to tell. Matter of fact, they're good for you. And if you eat a couple together, you'll find they taste like nuts; similar to almonds. So CHOW DOWN.

3) If you get a watermelon that's just unbelieveably sweet, SAVE SOME SEEDS AND PLANT THEM JOINTS! We need more sweet watermelon in the world. It's nothing to have a lil patch of your own. So make sure the best ones reproduce themselves.

That about it... or not.

4) DON'T LISTEN TO THEM LIL PIXIES FOLKS. THEY'LL SCREW YA LIFE UP! IF YOU WANT SOME WATERMELON, THEN GETCHU SOME SHO-NUFF WATERMELON FOO! lolol

Customized Fighter

So I wake up this morning and go brush my teeth and all that jazz. 'Like what I see in the mirror, don't really care how anybody else feels, lol. I was a lil stiff and sluggish, but feeling good, so I threw a random elbow to get the lead out (deja vu). And I stopped: "Hey... all this talk about martial arts, Jeet Kune Do philosophy and shtuff... I never actually evaluated myself to see what style(s) would fit me huh?"

When I say "fit me", I don't mean philosophically; I'm talking strictly physically this time. I wanna evaluate myself to see what styles physically would suit me. ...I doubt I'll ever need to know this, but martial arts are an interest of mine, so don't knock it, lol.

Hm... I didn't really meditate on this earlier cuz I wanted it to be fresh when I wrote it. So, from scratch, I'm gonna give myself a physical eval.

(Steps onto futuristic data analysis platform. Bright lights and lasers as the supercomputer begins the data retrieval process...)

So here's the Jigabod's makeup and the conclusions I draw from them:

1. I have a CRAZY wingspan. As in, my wingspan is almost as long as I am tall, and I'm a good height. My first instinct was to go with Muay Thai kickboxing, as it uses many elbow strikes; this would allow me to have very quick strikes at short range with further range capability. But then I noticed something...

2. My forearms are the bulk of the length of my arms. So if I rely on punches instead of elbows, I would have CRAZY reach. Plus, experience has shown me I have incredible speed since my arms are so light (I learned the secret to blocking shots in basketball is not your height, but the speed with which you extend your arms, lol) So maybe boxing or kickboxing. Not to mention...

3. My hands are HUGE. So when I make a fist, it's a BIG 'OL FIST. I'm not sure how beneficial long fingers would be for using chopping strikes, so I tend to think punches are the way to go with me.

4. I don't have very broad shoulders, which further discourages Muay Thai elbow strikes, as I don't have great range with them.

5. I have a very thin, very lightweight frame. The funny thing is, I've seen a lot of Muay Thai fighters, and they're built just like me. I can move very quickly, but I'm relatively easy to move (not counting the fact I'm very good at controlling my weight). I'm not buff at all, but I'm well defined; less than, but similar to like Bruce Lee's physique except...

6. I'm 6'0. When I was younger and a little shorter, I was good at controlling my center of gravity; perfect for my favorite style, Aikido. Now that I'm six feet, I'm a bit more unbalanced. Most of my height's composition is from the waist down, as I have long upper and lower legs. But again, this seems to allude to a Muay Thai style of fighting, as the fighters I've seen had the same build.

7. Emphasis on the long legs. Not easy for the quick side kicks and such often seen in many arts, but ideal for the high kicks and straight kicks of American kickboxing, French kickboxing, and Thai kickboxing...Muay Thai again.

8. Most of my long legs is thigh; I have long thighs. but it's not the thigh itself I'm looking at; since I have long thighs, my knee range is great. And guess what art uses a bunch of knee strikes as well... Yup, Muay Thai.

9. Big feet. Here we go again. Long range high kick, ended by a big foot. Muay Thai again, right?

10. Now here's the clicher. Light frame. Muay Thai is BRUTAL. I think American kickboxing is more civil and suited to a person such as myself for whom it wouldn't take much to get things broken. And I think speed comes more into play in American kickboxing than Muay Thai, and my light frame would facilitate that.


So, in conclusion, I think the art I'm best suited for would be a custom art that falls somewhere between American and Thai kickboxing. That's not to say I wouldn't prefer or be able to make use of a different art, but that's just what my natural suit is.

That was fun, lol
B-J

The Big Hurt Thesis

And no, this got nuffin to do with Frank Thomas... dag, I said nuffin. Friggin NY kids...

So I had a religious debate the other night, and now I'm stuck in a place most Christians frequent. There's something I want, but it would go against my beliefs. That hurts. Alternatively, I could just go for it and face the consequences. That hurts too.

So I was walking around my house today pondering. I really wanna do the right thing but: 1) I'm not 100% sure what the right thing is and 2) if it is what I think it is, it seems doing the right thing would hurt as much as doing the wrong thing. At least, that's what I thought the moment it hit me.

And don't get me wrong, I know better: when it comes to making choices, it's not about what hurts more or less; it's about doing what pleases God regardless. But I stopped and thought for a second: sin hurts; doing the right thing hurts. There had to be something more to it... And then I had a revelation.

One thing I know that I already knew that I know for CERTAIN now is that Sin is definitely passed from the original sin through the generations. Pain proves it. I thought about this:

Oftentimes in life, doing the right thing does hurt. But you know what? Most of the time, even if it hurts in the meantime, it doesn't hurt for long. It's like a vaccine; it's a sharp pain that goes away soon and ends up helping you much more than it hurts. Sacrificing to help someone for instance; it sucks at the moment, but you feel good about it later, plus more things like friendship and good will can stem from it. Or being patient; it sucks in the meantime, but that just makes it sweeter when the thing you've waited for comes to pass (assuming it does come to pass that is).

But sin; sin usually doesn't hurt like that. Yes, like doing the right thing, there may be a sharp pain at first. But the difference is, a lot of times the pain of sin will stay with you. It's residual. It's like a disease; it may cause discomfort at first, but the real pain grows as it progresses. Like premarital sex; it's sweet for a night, but then there's that memory when you're with your spouse, or that baby that you have that changes your life. It hurts, and it doesn't ever leave you.

When I think about the nature of sin and the pain it brings, for me at least, it echoes the belief in sin being passed down through the generations. The pain of sin is residual, and it's just a reflection of sin itself being residual.

So, as I contemplate (yes, I'm still considering doing something not very smart) trying my luck, I'm seeing that it's not a matter of choosing the sting of one thing over the sting of another; it's the sting of doing right versus the stigma of doing wrong. One thing I can recover from fairly quickly... I think. The other, it's probably gonna stay with me for quite some time, and not to my betterment... I think.

And that's my Big Hurt Thesis.

It Was a Day

Yep. A day. I already know this is gonna be at least three entries. Here's number one: a synopsis of the day I guess you might say.

It wasn't a bad day peeps, not at all. It was just mad crazy. I woke up rather prayerful about something I can't even remember. I think I just wanted to talk to God cuz it was hard to get up.

From there on out, it was a rollercoaster, or something like that. I remember once I got up, I was stretching or something, and I just randomly threw an elbow to get the lead out and start my day. Well, that got me to thinkin bout martial arts. Yup, I'm pitiful; sue me. Better yet fight me>:-D

Anyway, I was thinkin, "Hm... I wonder what martial art would suit me. I think I'll write about it later." If you're reading this, "later" hasn't arrived yet.

The night before, me and my co-conspirator had a discussion about whether or not I should pursue a particular love interest in spite of differences; I got to have fun toggling that all day. Hate it or love it... or both. What can I say, I'm a freak for heartbreak. She and I actually talked quite a bit today; situation remains unresolved. It's the journey, not the destination. In my own way, I'm luvin it.

Actually, speaking of pain, I found myself discussing how it hurts doing the right thing, but also hurts doing the wrong thing. I had a good discussion with myself, and we decided we're gonna blog about it later. If you're reading this, "later" hasn't arrived yet.

Website I bought; enough drama to put on a Greek tragicomedy. Yeah, I like that word tragicomedy cuz it just so accurately describes so many things. Life will make you laugh and cry at the same time, and that's sad and hilarious.

Kayzy, so when I got fed, I went for a ride. Decided to visit my aunt, but before I got there, I stopped to get a ginger beer. Long time no see with the mom and pops shop. Got to my aunt's--- pardon the interruption, but I'd just like to say I'm rushing right now--- house, and she wasn't there. No biggie. I was gonna be cute and leave a gingerbeer on her car's hood as a gift and be on my merry way.

Just as I'm leaving, she pulls up. Booyah! But here's the clincher: as I gave her the ginger beer as a gift, I get reminded that it's actually her BIRTHDAY! How sweet is THAT! She says it was my mother reminding me from Heaven, lol.

Kicked it at auntie's house for a while, came home after going by the same drugstore to do the same thing I still haven't and realistically won't be doing: getting a date with my high school classmate. I know it's not in the cards, but... well, scroll up. I'm a freak, lol. Did get some ginseng green tea outta the deal tho, so wonderbar.

Got home, and more internet drama. A lil more serious than I like it, but... dadgommit I got a GINGER BEER. I shall NOT lose. But seriously, its funny the relationships that form over the Net. And it's funny how people love to say they're preposterous; really I think many people diss things just to make themselves look intelligent or mature, not because they're right. But that's another...entry.

One thing I know; if I was crazy and rich, I'd have an adopted son right now. And maybe a wife. I prolly sound crazy, but it's my blog, that's what I'm s'posed da do.

Aight... I'm way too eager. I'm gonna cut this entry and get started on the other two or more. That's my day in a vague, gibberish nutshell. Enjoy. "Later" cometh.

The Great Qi Mystery Continues: Blockage

Kay. SO... I'm still taking note of myself to figure this mystery out, don't think I've forgotten just because I haven't written about it for a while, lol. One thing you gotta know about me; I think in webs. I have a million things going on at once, so just because I walk away from one to work on another doesn't mean I'm done with it.

Matter of fact, to usher you into this post, I'll bring up one of my "side projects". I bought a website a while back. The goal was to create something beautiful from it and simultaneously make a profit. To make a long story not long, s'not happening. Well... yet.

In the meantime, incredible frustration. A side of me has reared that I haven't seen since middle school... actually that I've never seen because back then I wasn't bold enough to be this aggressive. I mean, I'm doing a lot of very uncharacteristic things and I'm constantly having to repent for what I say. Still, I feel like I'm at this point for a reason. And I think I learned something by being here already.

You know, it's funny; you never really learn about yourself until you step outside of your comfort zone and your usual routine. I've been mad a lot recently, mainly due to a lot of ignorance and immaturity from people on my site. But since I've been on this tirade, I've noticed something very strange. I had been doing my best to keep my anger muzzled, at the end of those hot days I was exhausted. But recently, I took the muzzle off and allowed the anger flow freely, swinging at whoever was trying me at the moment. And you know what? When it was over, I wasn't at all tired... As a matter of fact, I had a LOT more reserve left in the tank.

Disclaimer: no I'm not saying it's good to cuss people out and have unbridled anger.

At having so much reserve, I thought to myself, "I do believe I actually use more energy stifling my feelings then when I let them explode! No way..." I always figured that raging out of control would take more energy than choosing to remain peaceful. Then I thought back to my childhood. I had so much energy back then, and coincidentally my feelings we're stifled at all. If I was sad, I'd cry. If I was happy, I'd laugh. If I was angry, I'd fight or use mean words; it's just, my mean words we're profanity back then because I knew no curse words. Perhaps...

Then I thought about something I caught wind of once: "part of Qi is controlling your emotions." And I thought about what it means to control your emotions. Usually, if I feel somethign I don't agree with, I fight it until I silence it. But maybe... maybe what "controlling emotions" actually means is that emotions should be unleashed, but unleashed constructively. When I gave in to my anger, I felt energy like I haven't felt in quite some time.

So my goal now is to find a new way to channel my anger. Of course the first response is "you should write it out." Writing is one of my gifts, but when it comes to anger, it doesn't give me the same feeling as letting my anger explode; writing something that potent isn't so easy to do. I'm a perfectionist, so if my words don't express what I feel to a tee, then it's unsatisfying. Truly, I'd get more satisfaction at shouting; problem is right now I have the urge to shout unmentionables. I need something else...

Well, even though I do repent of my raving, I'm glad I'm experiencing it. It's taught me something about myself: I expend more energy by stifling myself than I do when I go with what I feel; that's amazing to me. I'm not suggesting to go wild and do wrong; I'm suggesting to "be angry and sin not" like the Bible says. I need to learn the correct way to be angry freely. In doing so, I may be one step closer to discovering that "more than meets the eye" that I'm looking for.

B-J

Home Theater: Second Edition

So I'm watching this movie Popeye, starring Robin Williams, from 1980ish right? And I assumed it wouldn't be much. But ya know, I'm LOVING it, lol. It's... cute... clever... fits the cartoon... well acted... creative. So I've been sitting here for hours watching and I just realized: I need to buy this movie.

Then I remembered back in January that I did a "Home Theater" blog listing movies that I wanted to add to the ol' collection (none of which I've bought except Blazing Saddles, lol). And since then, I've seen plenty of movies that I would like to have in the repertoire, so here's part II of my movies(and other cinema)-most-wanted list. Enjoy:

Popeye
Elektra
Both Star Wars Trilogies
Million Dollar Baby
Sole Survivor
Hero
House of Flying Daggers
The Boondocks Season I
Napoleon Dynamite
Alien vs. Predator

THIZZ FACE

Anybody that knows me right now knows I dig this Hyphy music movement out of Cali. One of the first things I got out of it was this cat Mac Dre and his "Thizzle Dance". It's where you scrunch up ya face like somebody just let out a hot one and dance like an old dude. It's funny cuz I remember people doing similar dances and making similar faces back in the day, lol.

Anyway, Thizzing isn't hard to do at all, especially the face part. Most of you have probably thizzed at several things in your lives and didn't even recognize it. So I figure I'll give you a list of my Thizz faces and what triggers them. This is gon be fun, lol...

1. The best way to thizz... funky music. If real funky song comes on, my face gets thizzed up; perfect example, "Dirty Harry" by the Gorillaz. See, you can dance witcha face too. I call mine the "If I was Spiderman, I'd Dance Up the Wall" thizz face.

2. The worst way to thizz... funky smells. I'm talking trash truck juice... no wait. Perfect example. One time I got a whiff of a spoiled pineapple-coconut cake. I PROMISE you there's no worse smell on earth. And blessed believe my face showed it. I call it my "Abomination" thizz face.

3. When I pull off the most difficult combo in history on a fighting game and it looks like that joint was choreographed... When I write a verse so airtight I don't even need feedback... When I pick a watermelon at the store by the root, bring that mutha home, split it, and it's the sweetest one I've had all summer. I call that the "I Can't Believe I'm Not Butter" thizz face.

Disclaimer: Yes it's a bit arrogant, though hard work and attention to detail played their parts. When my face gets unstuck I remember Who made it all possible, so it's gravy.

4. Two kinds of cuteness will get a thizz outta me. Cute number 1: I think it's cute when girls say some of the things they say, like "I'm never getting married"/"I'm never having kids"/"I hate men". Or my favorite one from that song by that group Isyss: "If I can't have you, I'll just be single for the rest of my life" lolol. I can't help it; I thizz up cuz there's nooo way in the heck they really believe that. I call it my "Are You Kidding Me" thizz face.

5. The second kinda cuteness that makes me thizz is that under-the-age-of-8 cuteness. Babies with a pretty smile, kids saying the darnedest things, pouting, playing, getting too-big-for-their-britches. I call that my "You Gotta Be Kidding Me" thizz face.

6. Speaking of too-big-for-their-britches, I also thizz up when people come at me wrong. When I feel like I'm being strong-armed by somebody who I have no real inclination or obligation to respect, I call that my "Who Are You?/Naaaah, You Weren't Talking to Me" thizz face.

7. Yes... When a girl gets sassy/sexy/saucy/spicy or general flirtatious with me, that gets a thizz outta me. Now I'm not talking about when a female "approaches" me, cuz then I'm gonna be a total gentleman. I'm talking about if she's being a tease basically. I call that my "-aammmnnnn/Hammercy/Yes Ma'am" thizz face.


8. Barbecued franks, Momma's macaroni, turkey and dressing with cranberry sauce, green beans, black eyed peas, fried chicken, baked chicken, honey roasted chicken, grilled chicken, jerk chicken, teriyaki chicken, orange chicken, sesame chicken, ham and pineapple, steamed broccoli and carrots, collard greens, black eyed peas, cornbread, bacon, steak, tossed salad in catalina dressing, and a strawberry sundae with real strawberries, chocolate syrup, and a cherry on top. If that don't make you thizz, something is wrong with you, and I mean that from the bottom of my everlasting heart. I call it my "Have Mercy on this Food We are About to Receive" thizz face.

9. This is the great thing about thizzing. Watch this for 10 seconds:






That's what I call the "Thizz Outbreak". You can't fight it. When other people are having fun, you should wanna have fun too. Why you think so many cats hate snap music, but snap to it when a bunch of other cats get into it?


They used to say your face would get stuck when you were little, right? If you made faces? I just gotta ask this: how many people you ever seen actually get stuck? I haven't seen any yet, lol. THIZZ DANCE!!

Half-Life

Welp, for those of you who don't know by now, I'm a Georgia resident, Augusta to be specific. This is where I went to school, caught the bus, got off the bus, graduated, walked the streets, found Jesus, and experienced most of the biggest events in my life. And yeah, I love this side da block. The Heart of the Dirty/Soul South.

BUT, there's another spot I call home as well. Ya see, I was born in GA and grew up here mainly, but every night as a youngin, I went home to a house in the woods of Trenton, South Carolina. Isolated from friends, phones, traffic, and cable TV, that's where I dropped my books, did my homework, ate dinner, locked up in my room, and thought my way into the future. It's where I spent my weekends, watching cartoons, occasionally going outside and exploring, mainly wishing I was close to my peeps.

Ya know, when I was in South Carolina, all I wanted was to get out of South Carolina. I mean, my friends were always doing stuff without me and such, but that's a long drive to ask anybody to make just so I could kick it with em. Over time, I just kinda grew to despise the state. Especially when my pops and I weren't getting along.

But the thing is, in retrospect, South Carolina wasn't so bad. My family over there always has been very kind. The church I attended missed the mark for me, but it couldn't be totally off base to have such a nice congregation. Matter of fact, today was Family Day; pops told me about it a few days ago, and I decided to make my way over there. It was WONDERFUL seeing everybody again. All the lil short kids that used to run around are in COLLEGE now. I feel old as crap, lol. A lot of time has passed.

One of the first faces I saw when I got there was my old homie Rashad. Rashad and I were very close in age and very similar in demeanor. So we picked up where we left off, and that really made me feel at home. I spent a good bit of time after that remembering faces and shaking hands and hugging people. I saw my old high school teacher Mr. Martin; didn't know he was back in the SC area, but he's living right across the street from the old church now, ha.

There were several pretty young ladies there as well (only one of whom I was familiar with). But Jigabod got one rule bout dat: Jigabod ain gon holla at NO female at NO family occasion. Understand, I come from one of those "family" churches, as in my family is 3/4 the congregation. Also understand I got a lot of GORGEOUS faces in my family (not saying I'm one of em, I'll let you [women] decide that for yaselves sometime) so it's nothing for me to find out a beautiful young lady is kin to me. If it happened at my high school in a city I had never been in before in the middle of the boondocks, then it can DEFINTELY happen on Family Day. Plus...Ms. Mildred said I better not have a wife/girlfriend now cuz she wants me to focus on a career anyway, lol.

Besides the warm feelings, family, and hospitality, what I liked most about going back was the air. Nothing like being surrounded by trees, even if city lights are what fascinate me. At the close of my visit, I went to my grandmother's house right up the street (half the church lives right up the street; it's crazy) and caught a breeze with her for a while. My uncle was there; he's had it rough in his later years, but he's just as loving as he ever was, and animated, lol. Grandma started showing me pics of different cousins that she had on a shelf in her den. She has a frame with two pictures in it: one is my beautiful younger cousin and adjacent is my beautiful younger sister. She was admiring how the pictures seem to fit: my cousin was on the left leaning right and my sis was on the right leaning left.

It's amazing; all my bad feelings toward South Carolina I can attribute to like 2-3 people. But being at Family Day, I realized there were a plethora of other reasons for me to come back. And shoot, maybe I could bring my Georgia peeps with me next time. There's a psychological block I have on that area from things in the past, but I think maybe it's time to shed that and incorporate my old half-life into my new life. I'm capable now; I can come and go as I please, right?

And the funny thing... If I wasn't going to church just for the Word and the teaching, I maybe could go back to my old church and be right at home with the other side of my family. But I left because I wasn't being spiritually fed there; family won't get me into Heaven. But it kinda felt like Heaven being with my family. How ironic.

Jesus PeaceB-J

Tell Her I'm Sorry

Tell her I'm sorry would ya; my word is worthless
I betrayed her trust and proved to her I that deserve less
No, she didn't expect perfection; only dedication
It was no accident; I did wrong with premediation
It was stupid... knowing that Cupid is a child's fiction
I sacrificed something precious, proved myself a contradiction
Sometimes I want the world, I admit; 'get tired of being alone
But a fool burns his bridges, then finds he can never go home
Then he really is alone, and he learns that the whole time
The best thing he had was in the friendship he put on the line
So just tell her how I feel, would ya; you know my true identity
To my Lord and to my pen; I don't know what got into me

:-(

On Tour

When I in counseling a few weeks ago, my counselor told me I fit the description of a "pleaser"; a person that does whatever to keep the peace and such. It's a good thing to be, but at the same time when you're grieving it can be detrimental to you. And so she asked me, "What makes/would make you happy?" Any other question anybody asks me, I usually have a clear answer for. But with that question, I really struggle.

Why? Well... to tell you the truth, I'm a large part pessimist: I know there's the possibility of good things happening; I know there's the possibility of bad. I prepare for the worst because... well... well if a good thing happens, do you really need preparation for it? So I don't think about happiness too much; I stay on guard, and if a happy thing comes by, great. But I tire of seeking happiness, ya know? To me, a lot of times it's not worth the effort it takes to get to it.

Anywasy, I was listening to a song sent to me by my homie Twan in Canada: "Sorry" by Zion I. It's an exceedingly beautiful song; I've been restless today, and this song really kept my emotions in check all day. As it played, you know what it made me think about? It made me think about all the outta-town trips I've been on in my life, on the charter buses and such. More specifically, the overnight trips.

Well, it wasn't exactly the trips themselves I was thinking about; it was the bus rides. But not just the rides themselves; there's always a certain time on any overnight trip I've been on that sticks in my mind. It's when the passengers have grown tired of watching movies and the televisions go off. People pull out their blankets and pillows and call it a night ride. The only sound is the bus engine murmuring.

I find myself near the back of the bus beneath a dim, usually red or blue-colored light. We're passing by the metro area of some city, but no one seems to care but me. But that's okay. I'm leaning against the window with a notebook in my lap, knowing I'm not gonna write anything, but there seems to be so much to write about. (Can I tell you about?... I might as well since I'm here: There was this one time when I was on a bus passing through Atlanta. It was a foggy morning and the sun hadn't risen yet; it was still hours away. As the people around me slept, I looked out a window, and I saw a skyscraper rise above the mists. I kid you not; the building appeared to be a golden tower. I guess the distant-distant sunlight somehow was reflecting off it, but it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in person. Anywasy...)

Eventually, the notebook ends up in the empty seat next to me, assuming it's open. Usually it's not though. Preferably, my homie Swim'll be in it. On trips we've been on together, it's been cool because we're so close that we don't hafta talk. I like that about old friends: they know you so well that the only reason they chill witcha is just to chill witcha, like you're just a natural part of each other's environment. If not Swim (and if it HAS to be somebody) then maybe a nice young lady rests next to me. But ya know... as much as I love women... it's nice to have nothing to think about. Empty seat.

To know that my job in the back of the bus is to sit there and let the driver drive... No responsibilities anywhere close to me, new sights gracing my eyes as I sit and watch. No chatter to keep me bound to my immediate surroundings. Maybe my headphones on low, playing something nice like this Zion I track. Or maybe no sound at all, allowing the bus to lull me. And we just ride through the night. Once or twice it's been raining outside, and the lights from the traffic and city lights reflected off the windows in a beautiful array. And I felt sorry for the sleeping passengers who missed that part of the trip.

So... Ms. King, I think that's what would make me happy. Give me a charter bus, a gaggle of my peeps, pile us on a bus, and send us on a trip. And when the night falls, and they all pipe down and we're easing through the night, that's when I'll be happiest.

Come to think of it... pursuing this music thing... maybe I was meant to tour or something huh? Get on a bus to who knows where; perform. Get back on the bus; hit another location. Just be forever on tour. Yeah... maybe that. Maybe that's when I'll be happy Ms. King.

B-J

A Middle School Chat

Sup readers. I wasn't planning on blogging today, but as I chatted with my homie Ken, the author of BlackLoveOneGrowth, listening to R. Kelly's hit "You Remind Me of Something", I began to talk about my middle school experience. And... it felt blogworthy, lol. So, here it is. Enjoy.

[00:57] Battlecataclysmi: "You Remind Me of Something" is so classic
[00:57] Battlecataclysmi: that joint takes me back to middle school
[00:57] Battlecataclysmi: sad to say actually, but it's true
[00:57] Drkenmack: ...wow
[00:57] Battlecataclysmi: I remember dudes use to sing that to the girls back then
[00:58] Battlecataclysmi: bittersweet
[00:58] Battlecataclysmi: now that I'm older it wasn't so cool, but back then... it was SOOO COOL, lol
[00:58] Battlecataclysmi: It doesn't even feel like we were kids back then
[00:59] Battlecataclysmi: like high school started in 7th grade
[00:59] Battlecataclysmi: and everybody's still so much the same, except... everybody seems sadder in general
[01:00] Drkenmack: that is true
[01:00] Drkenmack: almost to the point where convos with folks are getting really predictable
[01:00] Drkenmack: to be real, it's refreshing as heck when folks are having the good life
[01:01] Battlecataclysmi: true. but even the ones that "made it", they don't seem as happy
[01:01] Drkenmack: also true
[01:01] Battlecataclysmi: and it's almost like they're afraid to remember days gone by
[01:01] Drkenmack: people just need to...
[01:01] Drkenmack: hmmmm...
[01:01] Drkenmack: how i wanna say this...
[01:01] Drkenmack: get their mind right
[01:02] Drkenmack: folks got their priorities wrong
[01:02] Battlecataclysmi: well... some of em yeah. The rest, I think it's that Augusta stigma
[01:02] Battlecataclysmi: that "this is all there is to life" mentality; get married, have kids, work
[01:03] Drkenmack: man that's an international oppressive mentality
[01:03] Drkenmack: that's how they teach us in american schools
[01:03] Battlecataclysmi: jup
[01:03] Battlecataclysmi: and the funny thing is, I don't envy the people who have that at all
[01:03] Battlecataclysmi: I'm always more comfortable with people still finding their way
[01:04] Battlecataclysmi: for better or worse
[01:04] Drkenmack: i guess man. i hate to see folks strugglin jig
[01:05] Battlecataclysmi: true. but at the same time, they seem to be more alive than those that aren't
[01:05] Drkenmack: that's personal opinion
[01:05] Battlecataclysmi: I remember growing up, especially in middle school
[01:05] Drkenmack: my B...u did say 'seem'
[01:05] Battlecataclysmi: the rich kids who were set, they were so superficial
[01:05] Drkenmack: you got it...speak on pimpin
[01:06] Battlecataclysmi: but the cats who didn't have everything, they had so many dimensions
[01:06] Battlecataclysmi: some had made mistakes, some didn't know what the next day was gonna bring
[01:06] Battlecataclysmi: but they took nothing for granted
[01:06] Drkenmack: i think the key is just having and maintaining that edge...
[01:06] Drkenmack: don't let money or folks deter you
[01:07] Battlecataclysmi: they could always have a good discussion
[01:07] Battlecataclysmi: always had a good laugh on em
[01:07] Battlecataclysmi: could enjoy a sunset, ya know.
[01:07] Drkenmack: that's why following the big G is so crucial...that allows you to keep focus in conjunction with the success...
[01:07] Drkenmack: i know.
[01:08] Battlecataclysmi: I think middle school was the most important time in my life
[01:08] Battlecataclysmi: and i'm thankful I went to school where I went to school
[01:08] Battlecataclysmi: at a school with a bad rep that everybody talked down about
[01:08] Battlecataclysmi: it was so rewarding man
[01:09] Battlecataclysmi: and everytime I hear this song it comes back, lol
[01:09] Battlecataclysmi: it's not a "deep" song, it was just a song of the day
[01:09] Battlecataclysmi: the field trips
[01:09] Battlecataclysmi: lol
[01:09] Battlecataclysmi: pep rallies
[01:09] Battlecataclysmi: field day
[01:10] Battlecataclysmi: but then that time somebody got dropped and we witnessed it
[01:10] Battlecataclysmi: and when the whole cheerleading squad was getting pregnant left and right
[01:10] Battlecataclysmi: that time Ms. Jordan told us to never settle for second class
[01:11] Battlecataclysmi: My first Bankhead bounce, lol
[01:11] Battlecataclysmi: that was a classic moment
[01:11] Battlecataclysmi: And the first time somebody told me I was cute; a girl named Celencia
[01:12] Drkenmack: true, ha ha ha
[01:12] Battlecataclysmi: I've been playing this song for HOURS, lol
[01:13] Battlecataclysmi: it's so deep in my mind I don't even notice it anymore
[01:13] Battlecataclysmi: it just resonates in harmony with that part of me, lol
[01:16] Drkenmack: an r. kelly track?
[01:16] Drkenmack: that's just crazy to me mayne
[01:17] Battlecataclysmi: lol, thas cool. it was a big hit when it came out, everybody was singing it, and it's a dope song so...
[01:17] Battlecataclysmi: that's just how it went down
[01:17] Drkenmack: you remind me...of a dang jeep
[01:17] Battlecataclysmi: plus I had the biggest crush
[01:17] Battlecataclysmi: it's not the jeep that was important, lol
[01:17] Battlecataclysmi: it was the riding
[01:17] Battlecataclysmi: which we shouldn't have known about in middle school
[01:18] Battlecataclysmi: but it's hard to keep that from middle school heads
[01:18] Drkenmack: u right
[01:18] Battlecataclysmi: it's funny... grown ups said we weren't grown because we didn't know anything
[01:19] Battlecataclysmi: they were wrong; we weren't grown because we didn't know how to handle what we did know
[01:19] Battlecataclysmi: and we knew a LOT
[01:21] Drkenmack: ha ha ha, that's deep
[01:22] Battlecataclysmi: Man, when I think back, high school was less intense than middle school
[01:22] Battlecataclysmi: cats talk about how they think about sex all the time and all that now
[01:22] Battlecataclysmi: I think I don't do it much now because we got so much of it out of us in middle school
[01:22] Battlecataclysmi: Middle school was CRAZY
[01:23] Drkenmack: your middle school sounds like it was a trip, mayne
[01:23] Drkenmack: i mean, that's when my personality started to form itself, but i give more credit to my FAM experience
[01:23] Battlecataclysmi: I hear that
[01:24] Battlecataclysmi: but man... the illest thing I remember from middle school
[01:24] Battlecataclysmi: and I didn't witness this myself, but this chick was crazy enough to do it
[01:24] Battlecataclysmi: and there were too many witnesses
[01:24] Battlecataclysmi: but this one girl from around my neighborhood... smh
[01:24] Battlecataclysmi: we had a pipe that ran from the ceiling thru the floor in one class
[01:25] Battlecataclysmi: Put it like this... I WISH she had settled for dancing on the pole like any other freak
[01:25] Drkenmack: ouch
[01:25] Battlecataclysmi: she actually like pissed on the pole dawg
[01:25] Drkenmack: *gasp*
[01:26] Drkenmack: in middle school
[01:26] Battlecataclysmi: and this had to be... either 6th or 7th grade
[01:26] Battlecataclysmi: now don't get me wrong, she was like the freak of all freaks at the school
[01:26] Battlecataclysmi: like something was seroiusly wrong with this chick
[01:26] Battlecataclysmi: but just one incident like that is enough to warp anybody's mind at that age
[01:26] Drkenmack: it has the potential
[01:27] Battlecataclysmi: but just like we had freaks, we had young queens too
[01:27] Battlecataclysmi: I'm still tight with some of em
[01:27] Battlecataclysmi: and just like we had thugs, we had kings
[01:27] Battlecataclysmi: it was so comprehensive
[01:28] Battlecataclysmi: the only thing we didn't really have was bougie kids
[01:28] Battlecataclysmi: but they were at all the school meets or whatever
[01:28] Battlecataclysmi: talking mad trash, giving dirty looks
[01:28] Battlecataclysmi: even the white kids at my school were cool
[01:28] Battlecataclysmi: except one, and he got beat up constantly
[01:31] Battlecataclysmi: I had fun tho. That was the last time I really felt absorbed in school life
[01:31] Battlecataclysmi: I grew a lot in a lot of ways, but I had fun doing it
[01:31] Battlecataclysmi: It was the last time I was a part of a process and unaware of it
[01:32] Battlecataclysmi: it would be a dream to reunite with all the cats I used to kick it with
[01:33] Battlecataclysmi: in the back of my mind, I'm always looking for em whenever I step out the house
[01:34] Battlecataclysmi: so what's good mayn