Nice Guy Survival Kit (This is Exactly Why Men Shouldn't Watch Lifetime Movies)

Sorry ladies, ya'll gon hafta let me have this one and that's just the way it is. And for this particular instance, I gotta say: ya'll be on some buhhhhsh!t. Don't get mad, you say it about us all the time. Didn't hurt us, won't hurt you.

So I happened to glance at this Lifetimeish movie the other day right? I usually don't hate on those kinda movies; every now and then they're kinda entertaining right? But don't get the wrong idea; I don't watch these movies a lot. I used to peep em with my mom. ANYWAY...

I stopped to watch this movie, can't even remember what it's called. But the premise is this; good boy goes bad to get girls. Why? Because he tried being a nice guy a million times, and he ended up in the friend zone a million times. But this is what got me right... When he goes bad, he finally meets a girl that "allegedly" would not have put him in the friend zone. Her argument boiled down to, "Just keep being a nice guy and being a nice guy and being a nice guy and eventually you come across somebody who will appreciate it. And don't worry about what happened in the past."

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD UP. Is it just me, or is that some dumb ish to tell somebody? Keep trying and trying and getting denied until you get what you're looking for... That's some biiiig talk. So lemme get this straight; suppose this girl wasn't "the one" and he got denied again. According to this chick, if it takes eleventy nice guy tries and eleventy friend zone denials to find that one, he should suck it up and do it eleventy times. Hell no, Lifetime. I see why they call it lifetime. Let's do some role reversal: let that have been a nice girl. If she got dogged like that, women woulda been like "men are dogs" and "she has a right to be angry and upset and be nasty because they're not treating her right". Screw you!

But let's be practical people; the nice guy routine. Women must think being nice is the easiest ish in the world. Get real: being a nice guy only pays when you find a nice girl. DAGGG, I'm gonna put that on a T-SHIRT!!! IT ONLY PAYS TO BE A NICE GUY WHEN YOU FIND A NICE GIRL!!! OWN3D.

When you're a nice guy, this is whatchu gotta deal with: you're gonna spend more money. You're gonna settle for less than what you really want. You're gonna get rejected more. You're gonna get heckled by all ya peeps. You're gonna look for the same niceness in return, but yous one luckee suckaa if you find it. You're gonna consider suicide on several occasions. You're gonna spend more money. You're gonna burn more gas, hence, you're gonna spend more money. You're gonna be dissappointed a hell of a lot. You're gonna wonder what's wrong with you, when in truth you've done nothing wrong. You're gonna get mad when you see other dudes get away with stuff. You're gonna think women are stupid. You're gonna think you're stupid. And pretty soon, you're gonna hear that song that goes, "Do you think you're better off alone," and you're gonna say "HELL YES".

Now don't get me wrong, I understood what the woman was saying COMPLETELY; yes a dude should be a nice guy IN CASE he meets the right nice girl. But it's the tone I didn't like. Like she EXPECTED the dude to just KNOW that she was a nice girl that wouldn't let him down this time, and on credit alone he shoulda just risked it again (and personally, I put $50 on she was just saying that sh!t; had he treated her nice, she woulda put that white brotha in the friend zone, watch what I tell ya). Now me, I woulda sucked it up and continued being the nice guy anyway, but that doesn't make it right! When you get rejected over and over and over and over, but you do everything right every time, why SHOULD a man believe there's any incentive to it? It's just like that saying, "If you always do what you always did, then you'll always get what you always got." And girls demand that we be nice guys so matter-of-factly, but that's because, due to the double standard, they don't hafta be "nice girls" as much as we hafta be "nice guys". They can be mean as heck; there will always be a nice guy somewhere to victimize, lol... (or will there?)

Jigabod is foolish, but no fool... You see, there's always a solution, lol. If there's a way, I'm WILL FIND it. Nice guys listen up; I'm gonna put you up on somethin, and we're gonna survive this hogwash. BEHOLD:

IN order to remain a nice guy and not be disappointed my brothas, you must throw your romantic intentions to the dust! Yes, you might like her, but there is an ENDLESS SEA of women out there! Do not be a nice guy just to get her attention! Be a nice guy because you feel like it! She cannot put you IN the friend zone if you approach her as a friend to begin with! You must learn that the single life is not to be feared brothas! If you become one with your singleness, no woman can hold you for ransom by playing with your emotions, then making you drop her off and breaking your heart at the door!

Ohhh my nice guy brethren... Be nice guys because it's a nice day outside, not because she's a woman! Be nice because you feel nice, not because you want her to think you're nice! You can DO IT brothas! If she wants you then fine, let her display it. But do NOT treat your niceness like an appliance to turn on and off! Don't be afraid to lose a girl or two! There's other women out there! Learn to dust your shoulder off my brothas! Repeat after me: "IT ONLY PAYS TO BE A NICE GUY WHEN YOU FIND A NICE GIRL!"

Ohh this is a glorious day. No longer will nice guys be hurt by girls who don't appreciate it. For you see, we no longer do it for you; we do it cuz we FEEL like it! We'll be nice to girls we don't even LIKE! Brothas, if she's special, she will SHOW YOU she's special. You don't hafta give her the benefit of the DOUBT! Be nice by default, and not to get that woman's attention! Be just as nice when you're single as you are when you're on a date! The only difference is you dress up like a penguin and slow ya walk to a waddle!

SURVIVE my nice guy brethren!! LIve! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!! SCREW YOU LIFETIME ORIGINALS!!!

(I ain watchin Lifetime/WE/Oxygen no mo'...)B-J