THIZZ FACE

Anybody that knows me right now knows I dig this Hyphy music movement out of Cali. One of the first things I got out of it was this cat Mac Dre and his "Thizzle Dance". It's where you scrunch up ya face like somebody just let out a hot one and dance like an old dude. It's funny cuz I remember people doing similar dances and making similar faces back in the day, lol.

Anyway, Thizzing isn't hard to do at all, especially the face part. Most of you have probably thizzed at several things in your lives and didn't even recognize it. So I figure I'll give you a list of my Thizz faces and what triggers them. This is gon be fun, lol...

1. The best way to thizz... funky music. If real funky song comes on, my face gets thizzed up; perfect example, "Dirty Harry" by the Gorillaz. See, you can dance witcha face too. I call mine the "If I was Spiderman, I'd Dance Up the Wall" thizz face.

2. The worst way to thizz... funky smells. I'm talking trash truck juice... no wait. Perfect example. One time I got a whiff of a spoiled pineapple-coconut cake. I PROMISE you there's no worse smell on earth. And blessed believe my face showed it. I call it my "Abomination" thizz face.

3. When I pull off the most difficult combo in history on a fighting game and it looks like that joint was choreographed... When I write a verse so airtight I don't even need feedback... When I pick a watermelon at the store by the root, bring that mutha home, split it, and it's the sweetest one I've had all summer. I call that the "I Can't Believe I'm Not Butter" thizz face.

Disclaimer: Yes it's a bit arrogant, though hard work and attention to detail played their parts. When my face gets unstuck I remember Who made it all possible, so it's gravy.

4. Two kinds of cuteness will get a thizz outta me. Cute number 1: I think it's cute when girls say some of the things they say, like "I'm never getting married"/"I'm never having kids"/"I hate men". Or my favorite one from that song by that group Isyss: "If I can't have you, I'll just be single for the rest of my life" lolol. I can't help it; I thizz up cuz there's nooo way in the heck they really believe that. I call it my "Are You Kidding Me" thizz face.

5. The second kinda cuteness that makes me thizz is that under-the-age-of-8 cuteness. Babies with a pretty smile, kids saying the darnedest things, pouting, playing, getting too-big-for-their-britches. I call that my "You Gotta Be Kidding Me" thizz face.

6. Speaking of too-big-for-their-britches, I also thizz up when people come at me wrong. When I feel like I'm being strong-armed by somebody who I have no real inclination or obligation to respect, I call that my "Who Are You?/Naaaah, You Weren't Talking to Me" thizz face.

7. Yes... When a girl gets sassy/sexy/saucy/spicy or general flirtatious with me, that gets a thizz outta me. Now I'm not talking about when a female "approaches" me, cuz then I'm gonna be a total gentleman. I'm talking about if she's being a tease basically. I call that my "-aammmnnnn/Hammercy/Yes Ma'am" thizz face.


8. Barbecued franks, Momma's macaroni, turkey and dressing with cranberry sauce, green beans, black eyed peas, fried chicken, baked chicken, honey roasted chicken, grilled chicken, jerk chicken, teriyaki chicken, orange chicken, sesame chicken, ham and pineapple, steamed broccoli and carrots, collard greens, black eyed peas, cornbread, bacon, steak, tossed salad in catalina dressing, and a strawberry sundae with real strawberries, chocolate syrup, and a cherry on top. If that don't make you thizz, something is wrong with you, and I mean that from the bottom of my everlasting heart. I call it my "Have Mercy on this Food We are About to Receive" thizz face.

9. This is the great thing about thizzing. Watch this for 10 seconds:






That's what I call the "Thizz Outbreak". You can't fight it. When other people are having fun, you should wanna have fun too. Why you think so many cats hate snap music, but snap to it when a bunch of other cats get into it?


They used to say your face would get stuck when you were little, right? If you made faces? I just gotta ask this: how many people you ever seen actually get stuck? I haven't seen any yet, lol. THIZZ DANCE!!