For My Baby Sister...This is Compassion

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm writing this one in response to a conversation that me and my baby sister had recently. I'm doing this for her, but feel free to tune in to the fireside chat...

Empathy and sympathy... The words are so similar that they often overlap and get confused. Both are necessary in different ways. And from one Christian to another, I'll tell you unflinchingly that these two things are missing in great proportions from our people. So I don't want you to be oblivious to it. You're younger than me and you've still got a long way to grow, so I want you to use this as a step toward progressing in your walk.

(Now, you're in college writing essays and stuff, so I'll break you off a tip that'll help you in your writing while I'm at this... It sets up your essay well and shows your grasp of the subject when you follow your introduction with a few definitions [not to mention it takes up space ];-P).

We'll start with empathy. I like this definition from dictionary.com: "Direct identification with, understanding of, and vicarious experience of another person's situation, feelings, and motives. " Now for my simple definition: the ability to walk in another man's shoes. Empathy is when we see another person's plight and we can understand the reasons for their actions. A lot of people think they have empathy, but they only have the beginnings of it. Think about it like this: empathy is not seeing a burning house and saying the person needs to evacuate; empathy is seeing a burning house and recognizing that the person inside can't find the exit for all the smoke. It's not being on the outside and looking in, it's attempting to be inside and looking out with the person.

So why is empathy important? Because empathy is a sign of sincereity. Have you ever said something to somebody and it felt like they weren't listening? Maybe they ended up repeating something that you already said or something to let you know they weren't paying attention in the first place... You probably tuned that person out because you felt that they weren't sincerely interested. It's the same thing with other people. No matter how much you want to help them, if you don't know how to listen objectively (that means without forming an opinion first) and don't show sincere consideration for their state of being, why should they listen to you? It's like a rich man in a growing city telling a poor man in a dying city to get a job: the rich man didn't take note of the poor man's situation, thus the poor man will probably ignore him.

I think now we'll jump to sympathy. I think this definition suits the discussion: "the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another". Simply put, if empathy is being able to walk in another man's shoes, then sympathy is buying a pair of those shoes for yourself. (I know, that was smoove, wasn't it Sis...) It's when you see another man's plight, and you fully agree with that person's perspective, and you might even choose to support the effort.

So why is sympathy important? Sympathy is a step beyond empathy. Let me show you why that's significant: empathy makes you have compassion for a poor man with a sign by the freeway; sympathy takes that compassion and makes you stop by the local fast food restaurant to get him something to eat. Feel me? Empathy is moreso thought; sympathy leads moreso to action.

Now, this is where it gets tricky. Empathy and sympathy are both needed, but you have to have a spirit of discernment as a Christian to know when to use which. Like when dealing with somebody who lives an ungodly lifestyle... Most Christians see "come out from among them" and take it the wrong way. What that means is to not participate in ungodly deeds with them... BUT THEY STILL NEED JESUS!!! And if you utterly separate yourself from them, who witnesses to them? So what the verse is really saying is "empathize, but don't sympathize".

Read John 4 when you get the chance, Sis (and anybody who disagrees with me on this). It's the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well. Notice that Jesus didn't bust her in the face with scripture at their meeting. He cleverly observed what she was there to do, which was get water, and then approached her through her need--- that's empathy. When He REALLY got in her shoes and told her about the men she had slept with, He wasn't sympathizing with her and encouraging her to continue. He was revealing that He was no stranger to her lifestyle, and it brought sincereity to the situation. And whereas she guarded herself from Him at first, she proceded let her guard down and accept Him once He proved sincere. That's the power of empathy that many Christians are missing. Oftentimes we try to impose godly standards on people who don't even KNOW God. What kinda sense does that make? We sing "Just As I Am" but expect people to get right before they even get introduced to God...

But Jesus had sympathy too. When He healed the sick, that was sympathy. When He fed the hungry, that was sympathy. When He saved the lost, that was sympathy. When He died for us, that was sympathy. Those were all times when He saw our needs, shared in our pain, and invested in filling those needs. And they were the right times to be sympathetic: He wasn't encouraging us in straying away from Him. Rather, He was drawing us closer to Him by showing us who He was. So nowadays, when Christians forfeit opportunities to help others and deny to the world what being a Christian is all about (which is love, in case anyone was wondering... and I empathize with you by saying you have a right to question after the way we've been acting...) then you can say that sympathy is missing among us as well.

So that's sympathy and empathy, Sis. Empathy is something you should have at all times; sypathy is something you have to be selective about. Hopefully this entry will be a good guide for you to refer to. And hopefully any other readers will remember this as I proceed to tackle more controversial topics. But just in case they forget, I'm gonna say it one time for all: EMPATHY BEFORE CONDEMNATION. It's natural for anyone that knows love.

Jesus Peace, Tarheel