Presenting 'Bod... In Stereo

Whattup Tomcats and Kitties. It's been a few days, I know, but you'll b happy when you peep the latest development...

Please believe that the writing won't stop on Romancexpress; I'll write til I hit 999 posts, and then you'll just hafta follow me to a new site, lol. But how would you like some sonic accompaniment in this piece? I'll be frank... I'm dying to talk to ya'll! And I can DO IT.

I don't know why I didn't think of this before, but from now on expect some audio sessions to accompany the written articles. They may be readings of new or old entries, or impromptu, candid sessions with no script or preparation. Matter of fact, if any ladies have any questions for me, I'd be glad to read your questions and answer them on audio. Brothas... if you got questions they better be on some brotherly sh!t, cuz I don't play that brokeback, no I don't.

Anywasy, I think I'm gonna call the audio sessions "Jigabod Speak". Look for the first session in my very next post!

And as always...
All LoveB-J

I Was Glad When It Rained Last Night...

I don't know what got into me; I couldn't stop working. I worked every second I could from the time I got there to the time I left. Did my share and looked for more to do. I was in a daze, but my body was alert like never before. And as the night progressed, I got hot yo... sooooo hot.

I was in a flirtatious mood, yeah; one of my coworkers had on these capris that showed off her calves. 'Never fails to catch my attention. But nah; this felt like fever. But it wasn't a fever, I don't think. The heat... it felt good. It reminded me of the cool night before, when I slept wrapped tight under sheets and spreads. Some nights I just like to be insulated in unbearable heat, and there I was, at my job feeling like I was moving in a constant sauna.

When I finally got off, would you believe I still felt like I was lit? I mean, I was ready to go, but it was 6:00am and I wasn't in the least bit sleepy. But as I left the building, I heard a quiet pitter-patter outside...

I looked into the dark, early morning sky as tiny drops glanced againstmy face. Don't get me wrong, it was raining when I first came in. I just figured it would have stopped by then. The light droplets doused the heat and left me feeling just right. I looked up into the lights over the parking lot.

My wish was to be in Atlanta. As a teen, that was my thing; I loooooved Atlanta. But not the big city rush. Just the skyline, and the lights at night, and the bright attractions. At that moment, what I wanted was to go back to that foggy early morning when I was on a trip to Tennesse, passing thru Atlanta. Everyone else on the bus was asleep; I was awake and filled with wonder. The fog turned the city into something fantastic. You couldn't see anything at ground level, and only the tallest buildings were apparent. One building appeared as a single, pointed golden tower. I'll never forget that image.

I sat into my car, wishing that I was on a quiet I-285 during the dark hours of morning with a special someone in my passenger seat. I threw on my Nas - Street's Disciple CD. It was playing track 9, "For the Rest of my Life", a beautifully made track. I put it on repeat and let it carry me home. I rolled down my window and let the cool, damp night air blow over it briskly as I did 60 up the expressway.

I know this was a random, incoherent post, but I really was glad when it rained last night... That's just how I feel.

Soul Brotha, February 2006: Bruce Lee

Yeah, I think I'm gonna make this a new routine. Soul Brotha of the month or somethin...

If you know what Soul is, this'll make sense to ya; if it's a Black thang to u, how elementary... I consider Bruce Lee to be a soul brotha. No, he's not Black; no he doesn't sing. But soul is self-expression, and when it comes to self expression, Bruce Lee is an elite.

"But he's just a martial artist..."

lol... Listen to yourself: "martial ARTIST". Fighting is an art form, another means of self-expression. Bruce Lee had a style that was very self-expressive; everything from his movements to his trademark "whaaaa..." I'll tell you what... lemme translate it in a way yah cats can understand: Bruce Lee's "whaaa..." is equivalent to James Brown's "Hey hey!" "Ow!" and "Hit me!" His shouts erupt from his inner parts when he fights. That's SOUL, brothas and sistas.

His "art", which he doesn't actually consider a "style", is Jeet Kune Do. The entire style is based on learning other styles, but then being willing to release them to create something better suited to yourself. Bruce Lee speaks against "crystalization"; i.e. practicing a style and becoming so engulfed in it that you lose yourself and only react the way you are taught to. That's SOUL, brothas and sistas.

I could explain further, but I think Bruce can exlain himself much better than I can. This is some good reading here peeps:

On Creating Your Personal Way of Fighting

I chose this passage as my premise, but read the whole page if you really wanna see the soul of this brotha.

Bruce Lee's Most Famous Quotes

That's my nomination, my second, my I, and my I's-have it...

Welcome to the traditionally-exclusively-Afro-American Soul Brotha Hall of Fame, Brotha Bruce Lee.

EnCouraged

Between yesterday and right now, I got a looot of encouragement. I definitely needed it, but I love that most of it I didn't even see coming. I feel real strong right now, more alive than I've felt in a little while.

It started with a youth meeting at my church. It was scheduled for 12:00 but I wasn't sure if there was another meeting scheduled for 10:00, so I came out 2 hours early. I had to find a way to kill 2 hours, so I took a slow drive and ended up at my aunt's house. She's real cool, so we just talked about and hour and fifteen minutes. Saw a good bit of some Jackie Chan movie that had us laughing a good bit. They said something about the city of Rodderdam and she told me about a funny time when one of my great uncles was a boy and made a joke outta that word, lol...

Soon, I left because I wanted to get to the meeting on time. Decided to roll real slow through the familiar neighborhood. I imagined some of my friends still lived here, but I had no idea where. Still, I drove by a house where I knew one lived; lo and behold, he was standing outside! I stopped my car in the middle of the street, rolled down my window and holla'd out. He didn't know who I was at first, but soon we were talking just like old times. Dude is married now with a daughter, and he told me things were kinda rough for them right now. I had been waiting for an opportunity to invite him to my church, so I took full advantage. Hopefully I'll see him today, ya know? I'm just thankful no traffic rolled thru, long as I was in that street, lol..

Continued on my merry way; decided to take another shot at the drugstore... You know, where the "beautiful one" works. lol...I punked out. Went in the store, never made it to the back, grabbed some almonds, dapped this dude down I knew at the front, rolled out. Ya ever get the feeling something just wasn't in you and that any time it was in you, it was just you being more than what you really are? Anywasy, I drove down to the church pondering, "I think I'm gonna let EVERY SINGLE GIRL I EVER KNEW go and start over. I'm ti'ed of this." lol...

I got to the church and met one of my favorite students there when I walked in. We talked for a minute and she asked about my lil sis; I told her she was cool an all. Eventually the Rev. showed up and the meeting began. It was a fairly productive meeting, but it was after the meeting that really did it for me. I got to meet one of my student's parents. She and I talked for a long time about the importance of seeing what's out there, travelling the world; my student's parents are military so they've been around a lot. She told me about Germany and Paris, and I told her about my brief stay in Canada. Seeing the world is now something I'm considering more now than ever; but best BELIEVE I'm not going thru the military to do it, lol. Anyway, after that conversation, she kinda told me what it was like having to hold things down while her husband was in Kuwait. Sidenote: I hate the strain that the military puts on families. However, this was no doubt a strong woman; I saw why her daughter turned out the way she did as one of the most well-behaved students I've had.

Before it was all said and done, my student's mother began telling me that I stood out at the church with the way that I carried myself. She hadn't been at the church long, maybe two years or so, but she said it was one of the first things she noticed when she came (she reminded me I had my afro back then, lol). She said a lot of kids really took note of the things I did as well. She will never know how much, but I really needed that. I feel contorted and discouraged a lot, constantly alert that at any moment things could turn for the worse or better. It feels good to know that trying so hard all these years has meant something to somebody. For that, I know I can keep trying a little while longer.

When I got home from that, I pretty much slept all day... except I handed an MC a crushing KO defeat after he attempted to cheat on me, but that's another story, lol. I was sleeping because I had to go to work last night and I've also got to conduct Youth Sunday for two services and teach Sunday school as well. Eventually, I decided I couldn't handle it, so I called in to work; I couldn't afford to accidentally oversleep as I had last Sunday because that could halt two services and leave my students out in the cold. Funny... before I got up this morning I had a dream that appeared to be the ending to my drugstore visit that never happened. Never know if it's legit, but it didn't end well... I mean, not terribly, but let's just say she was occupied, eh?

Before I wrote this piece, I went in search of a few songs I heard on the radio; it seems a lot of classic gangsta rappers are showing signs of a new life. It's really got me hopeful; it's one thing for middle class people with ordinary everyday situations and traditional perspectives to speak positivity; it's quite another for people who have done dirt and lived rough and faced the jaws of death and had negative mentalities to show signs of light. Listening to these songs, it's really encouraging me to continue in my pursuit of making things better where I am; I'm already looking forward to maybe collaborating with these cats. I'm thankful for their courage and for the courage they're sharing in their music.

All LoveB-J

Playlist:
Mack 10 - The Testimony
Warren G, Ice Cube, B Real, Snoop Dogg - Get You Down Part II

The V-Day Series Compilation

Of course I couldn't leave V-Day without making the collection official...

Valentine vs. Cupid

The History of Jigabod's Heart

Valentine's Anthem

Chivalry vs. Chauvanism

Let Romance Continue...

Love and Friendship

For the Grown and...

Love Language

A Little Secret...

"Pimpin' Game"?

The Seasons of Love

In Case She Happens By...

The Shy Guy

Romance from the Ashes

Hey, whaddaya know... Exactly 14 posts! And here I was thinking I was behind... How romantic, lol...

Quick note: For those of you who peep my "favorites" list, I erased several posts from the list because they are linked into this post. Peep "The History of Jigabod's Heart" if you're missing anything...

The V-Day Series: Romance from the Ashes

It's not as bad as it sounds... It's beautiful if you ask me. Hello again. I know, I'm days behind. It's been quite an interesting few days coming up to Valentine's Day. I enjoyed the ride. I enjoyed the series. And now, let's close this thing out and get back to life, eh?

I've been pretty busy and pretty keyed up if you're wondering; remember a few posts ago? When I was saying what was on my heart to say to the young lady I ran into at the local drugstore? Well, in the final days approaching Valentine's Day, I made up in my mind that I wanted her to be my Valentine. You read about that too no doubt; it was my last post. It was a hard decision, but I finally convinced myself to follow through on it.

It took me days to figure out what I would say to her. In those days, I talked to an old (okay... two years, lol), eccentric (self-proclaimed bipolar schizophrenic) friend of mine and he said something significant: "F--k a Valentine's Day. I'm not gonna make a big deal and try to find a girl just for one day of the year." My apologies to the sensitive ears, lol. But hold on to that...

When he said that, I thought about my stances on Valentine's Day in preceding years: much the same. Last year this time of season, I was playing Andre 3000's "Happy Valentine's Day" as loudly as possible, repeating the final parts of the song. Listen to the song; toward the end he's not speaking nicely about V-Day, lol. In spite of it, I was still determined to make the connection.

For the record, sorry folks... I'm not gonna tell you what I planned to say, lol. But I will tell you I planned to say it with flowers. I was going to see her on Monday, give it a shot, and celebrate with her that evening as well as Valentine's Night. The Lord works in mysterious ways...

Monday, I went to the plaza. I had in mind to buy a single pink rose, symbolizing friendship but a little bit more than friendship. In the store, I decided also to grab a snack; I'm a healthy eater when I can afford it, so I went to the veggie section to grab some baby carrots and maybe a bag of salad. As I was looking up and down the shelves, I happened to glance to my right. There beside me a little further down was ANOTHER friend of mine who I hadn't seen since my mother's funeral. I saw her first and thought to myself, "It can't be..." But when our eyes met, it turned out to be true! We instantly walked up and embraced each other.

AFter that, we talked for what felt like 20 minutes. We both have our problems, and it was nice being able to share with an understanding person. By the end of it, she left me her number and invited me to kick it with her sometime.

Wow... Still, I was set on doing what I had fought myself so hard to do in the first place. I sought the pink rose, but ended up purchasing something else. The drug store was right down the walkway. I took a deep breath and drove toward the drive through; I had planned to surprise her in the window as she worked.

But before I got there, I noticed there was only an elderly woman working the window. It couldn't be...

I parked and went inside. Sure enough, she was off that Monday. I was outta luck.

I dropped my head and decided to make a few rounds. Went to visit my aunt and my cousin and then I headed for home. "I'm gonna call ______ when I get home and ask her what's up for tomorrow... I get the feeling this was no coincidence." Lo and behold, when I got home, my father was waiting for me in the driveway.

I love my father, even though we have our differences. We decided to go out to eat. However, I had planned to be asleep that whole afternoon before I went to work, from about 3-9. Hold on to that...

We ate, eventually he left, and I made the call. "Hey, whassup. THis is ______. I was calling to make sure this was the right number, lol. And I also neglected to give you mine today. My house_____ cell______. And actually, I was wondering... If you're not busy tomorrow, maybe we could kick it or something. Hit me back when you get this message...Peace." I went to work, anticipating for the entire time her response.

I was geeked all night, even though I was physically tired. I ended up stayign longer than anticipated, but I wasn't deterred by the time they finally let me go. I flew home and went straight to the answering machine; no response. "No biggie; I'll hit her up later today." It was about 7:15 and I was wasted. I didnt realize how wasted as I tried to play a video game to relax.

"Man... cleaning up will hafta wait. I'll get at it about 12." I remember lying down on the couch around 7:3o. I moved to my bedroom at about 7:45 and crashed. When I woke up it was still 7:45... but this time it was dark outside. "What the... NO!"

Yep. I slept away the entire day. Remember, I told you to hold on to my dad's visit? It caught up with me, huh. "The answering machine!" I dipped into the kitchen... she still didn't call me. I didn't think it was very pliable to try to arrange a Valentine's Day rendezvous at 7:45 pm the day of. I was shot.

So what then... And that's when my bipolar schizophrenic friend's words came back to me like a wind of salvation: "F--k a Valentine's Day..." Actually not that part: "I'm not gonna make a big deal and try to find a girl just for one day of the year."<-------That's the part.

And all of a sudden, I realized that I was really the winner. Take a look:

1) I found the courage to even approach the girl I wanted. If I did it once, I can do it again!...
2) I had a chance encounter with someone totally unexpected and unforeseen! Is THAT romance?! PLUS it could develop into something later...

So maybe I missed out on another year of the one-day-fling thing. But is that really missing anything significant? So here was my Valentine's day: a tragic flight of courage, chance-meetings, complications, good advice from strange sources, excitement, hope, anxiety, disappointment, and closure. It was romance like a phoenix from the ashes, ladies and gents. Something worth telling you about.


So, we've reached the end of the V-Day series. We fought alongside Valentine with the forces of love against Cupid and the forces of lust and ended in a stalemate called ROMANCE. I can't wait til next year...

"Now boarding... ROMANCEXPRESS is now leaving V-Day. Let Romance Continue..."

All LoveB-J

The V-Day Series: The Shy Guy

Et-ahem... A lot of delays in the posting, I know. It's all intentional, especially regarding the last post, believe me. Remember, I'm trying to get my own Valentine's on as I handle all this, lol.

Ahem... The Shy Private Eye... Ya know, I don't know what it is; I've never known a cat who was considered a "nice guy" who wasn't shy. You see, I'm also one of those guys. Yes, I'm a lot less shy than I used to be. But as you can tell by my last post, the direct approach doesn't quite come naturally to me.

I was talking to my homeboy at work last night/this morning. He told me that back in high school he had a fear of rejection, and that was something I could definitely connect with. So how do we beat this shyness...

Well, as always, in order to defeat the enemy you must first understand it, lol. I'm no expert, but seeing as how I have the shyness disease, perhaps I can shed some light by divulging my own thoughts. The fear of rejection is a big part of my shyness, I admit. But it's not just the reaction of the person in question that I'm thinking about. This is my worst case scenario: a failed attempt at dating someone that you see on a regular basis creates an awkwardness that could cause great discomfort. Take the young lady I'm considering right now for instance. She works at a local drug store. Suppose things don't go down smoothly... From then on it would be quite awkward just casually going to the store right? Hm... actually, it sounds stupid when I read what I just wrote. But I'll write on.

Then there's the reaction of the person. I admit, there have been times when I got a bad reaction because I chose a bad time to express my feelings. But you can't fool me: some of these girls are outright MEAN, lol. Like, they get a kick out of the fact you admire them, and take advantage of the chance to smash on a brotha. ... I don't like the way this sounds either. It's kinda punkish. I'm not very proud of myself right now, lol.

My homie Cause of DEF (look him up from earlier posts) told me something one time that really made a difference in how I relate to women. He said that the key thing was having confidence in yourself. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes; one thing I know is that women like security, and how can a woman be secure with a man who is unsure of himself? Well... I'm not gonna front; at times I am unsure of myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I'm any less of a person than anyone else. It's just a bad habit. See, in school I was that kid: the brainiac. I really don't need to go any further with that, but it's hard to cultivate that kinda confidence when you grow up getting smashed on so much. Shoot... even my pops used to smash on me: "Small people have a hard time in life... The girls won't like you if you don't get bigger... You'd never make it as a football/basketball player..." (for the record, yeah, I'm 6'0 weighing in at a buck-thirty) And as for my looks... I don't really know how I look. I consider myself a posterchild of regular-regular, dig? Not to demean myself, but just because I have no idea what cats see when they see me. Nobody goes out of their way to compliment a brotha; nobody goes out of their way to make fun of me either. And this cat never pushed the issue for fear of getting his feelings hurt, lol.

So there I am. The shyness unravelled. BUT, I'm not satisfied with being shy; I'm determined to come out of my shell and enjoy what's out there. So how am I combatting the tendency toward shyness? With logic of course, lol...

The same homeboy that told me he was shy in school told me something else that reminded me of a post I made earlier: regardless of the rejection possibility, it's better to know for sure than to have lingering thoughts. The dreaded "what if" equation, in other words. Nobody likes being hurt, but is it worth never venturing into unknown territory? What kind of world would this be if everybody stuck only to what they were familiar with? We'd probably still be in the Dark Ages, huh? The risk is worth the reward I guess.

But should I come up short, should I get humiliated, should I fall flat on my face... There are two things I can take away from the experience. One, I can forget about the girl and erase her from my mind forever without regret. Two, I must realize that she is only one girl; not only are there others, but each one has her own preferences. It should be no embarrassment to myself if she rejects me; it just means I was meant for another with different tastes.

And then there's the rewards of success. I never think about this because I have the wrong attitude, but for once I'm thinking about it: I could end up obtaining the object of my desire. Whoa... That would be CRAZY. But then there's this bonus... Should I spark her interest, I would think that that would do WONDERS for my self esteem. To know that, if nothing else, there's that one girl in the whole world I admire who thinks I'm worth something would give me more confidence. Hopefully tho, if all goes well I won't need anymore confidence, cuz I'll be keeping the one I end up with, lol. Ironic...

So there it is; me being shy and me talking myself out of being shy. All hogwash. The only thing that matters is whether or not I follow thru on my reasoning. Valentine's Day is Tuesday. It's Saturday. I got... hm... practically a day to prepare, a day to execute, and a day to enjoy with...

B-J

The V-Day Series: In Case She Happens By...

Hey... I didn't think to say this the other day
My concentration goes to pieces whenever... Well...
I just wanted to say, it was real good seeing you again
It's been a long time. I regret we never talked much in high school
But I've always admired you.
Do I need to say how beautiful you are? What for?...
There were plenty of beautiful girls back then.
But you... I liked you because you never let it go to your head
In short, you were cool. I mean SO cool
Being around you was... Refreshing
But that didn't change the fact that you were a diamond
It only made it more true
And I see years later, you're still every bit of that fine
Maybe we didn't kick it much back in high school, but I've changed a lot since then
I'd like to reintroduce myself, if you don't mind
And if you don't already have someone, I wanna be your Valentine

-Jigabod

The V-Day Series: The Seasons of Love

You know, a day set aside to celebrate love isn't nearly enough. 365 days set aside to celebrate love wouldn't be enough. But in my mind, I like to see all of my days in the scope of love. So I thought I'd write a piece on "the season of love".

So which season is the season of love? lol... I don't believe love has a season. Love is never out of season. Love doesn't pivot on Valentine's Day after all...

Four seasons of love. I think each season of the year puts love in a different light. And I think that, like many other living things, a healthy love is a love that constantly grows and constantly changes, so this fits. So this is my view of love in the scope of the seasons:

Summer Love - Summer is possibly the most intense season of love; it's a time where a little heat is thrown in the mix. Warm nights encourage warm night activities; hot days bring a little more daring dress as we wear less and less. Needless to say, attraction is stronger because of this. I think people are happier in the summer, when school's out. It seems that the world is on vacation, and the vacation atmosphere creates time for love. Summer rains provide a great atmosphere for deep conversation and other such things.

Autumn Love - Fall... what a time to fall, eh? The outdoors are bright and changing. Windy days and rustling leaves. Perfect setting for intimate walks. Fall coolness comes with opportunities to offer loving gestures: a sharing of a warm jacket, playing in a pile of fallen leaves for instance. The season begins with a fiery glow and ends with a solemn change of hue. Perhaps an autumn love initiates with spark and progresses quickly into a serious relationship...

Winter Love - Bitter cold means a lot more indoor activity. I imagine that the cold becomes an antagonist that causes lovers to draw closer to fend off it's icy sting. Yet, the snow is so beautiful when it falls that we can't resist the urge to have snowball fights and play in the frost. And I like to imagine that the kisses of new snow falling on a person's face encourage them to kiss whoever is on their arm at the time.

Spring Love - Spring... maybe the most symbolic season of all. The season of new beginnings. The smells of spring: fragrant flowers. The sounds of spring: bird songs. The colors of spring: every color. What better time to begin relationships, renew wedding vows, start families...

But a lasting love sees all seasons, so I'm reluctant to say Spring is love's season. One must learn to enjoy all seasons of love for their unique elements.

...lol... I talk as if I've experienced the seasons of love for myself.

All LoveB-J

The V-Day Series: "Pimpin Game"?

lol...I know, I know. I owe ya THREE posts this time. I'll have em up by the end of the night... TRUST ME!

"...Pimpin been dead"
-Khujo Goodie

Aight... Now this post is more of a rant, I'll admit. You remember earlier when I said I had a unique walk and people have been talking about it since I was little? You remember that? OKay, good... Lemme give you a rundown of the comments people often make about my walk...

"You pimp!" "Ay, Cool Breeze!" "Pop yo collar!" "Playa, playa!" When it comes to love, that's a problem. You know why? Because I constantly have to convince people that I am NOT a pimp, player, or anything of the sort.

I heard a report the other day that Spike Lee was ranting about the pimp culture in Black Society. Now, instead of "nigger", how about "pimp"? THAT's a word we need to be concerned about. Why? Because a pimp is a well-established character with a true and unarguable definition; and the definition is not admirable. In case you didn't know, pimps send ho's (slang for whores) out to "service"customers and bring money back to him. Now... here's my problem...

I'm a nice guy, I cater to women, and I'm more than courteous, despite the ways of my associates. So it's nothing for there to be a female with me and it's nothing for me to have plenty of female friends. You see the problem there? I remember once I was in the mall. I was chilling with a friend of mine and her friend, who I had a crush on; they were walking a little a head of me and to either side of me, I was in the back and toward the middle. Must not have looked right--- these old dudes passed us and one gave me a thumbs up while the other said, "Look at this young pimp!"

Everytime that happens--- did I mention it happens a lot--- I get embarrassed. On one hand, I don't appreciate the less-than-flattering comment. 'Cuz, in case u didn't know, I don't like pimps nor am I aspiring to be one; nor is the girl you see me with actually "with" me 100% of the time because I've been single since... hm.... 6th grade? On the other hand, it's nice to be recognized, though they got me twisted. But on my third hand, and this is the biggie, I'm thinking to myself, "How does that make the girl I'm with feel?" The connection is obvious... If I'm with a girl and someone calls me a "pimp", then as far as I'm concerned they simultaneously call her a ho, and that's not cool.

So picture this... I'm trying to approach girls in the most respectful manner I can, but I got this "pimp" aura all around me. For instance, I thought about (THOUGHT ABOUT, not planned on) approaching someone the other day, and my homie got wind of it. For the next few weeks, cat was boosting me up and making a scene, "Let's see this pimp in action! Spit that game, playa!" And the f#cked up thing about it, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So I decided to squash the situation on the low because I couldn't come correct.

"Pimpin"... "Spittin game"... That's not me, and in the name of love I don't think it should be anybody. But it seems to be almost everybody. Truth be told, a lot of girls are looking for the closest thing to a pimp they can find without actually finding one. And I don't hafta tell u every MC/singer on the radio claims to be one. Actually, most of them can't even meet a lowly pimp's minimum requirements, so they change the characteristics of pimps to suit them. I'm just being honest.

So what does all this hafta do with Valentine's Day? Exactly... it has NOTHING to do with Valentine's Day, because it has nothing to do with love. So I BET' NOT hear NUN of YA'LL talkin bout "pimpin" and "spittin game" between now and then, and ESPECIALLY on that day. I DARE somebody to call me a pimp cuz he sees me with somebody on Valentine's Day. Your V-Day'll look like Bugsy Siegel's...

But as always,
All LoveB-J

The V-Day Series: A Little Secret...

Ohhh yes. This is my favorite part. It's a liiiittle racy tho... maybe. Let's begin by throwing on the Xscape, shall we...

I think I start by admitting something about myself: I'm a bit of a flirt. It hasn't been that long since I shed some of my shyness, and I'm still kinda getting my feet wet in love kinetics, ya know? So I'm not the "ladykiller" type at all; but cats often mistake me for it. Why? Because, even though I'm subtle, I know what I'm doing. I'm a very perceptive cat, and I thrive on those subtleties that most people ignore.

What subtleties? Sounds like you're one of those people, lol. But it's all good; I'll share.

I like... when girls are reserved about the way they carry themselves. There's nothing hotter to me than one of those pretty, over-dressed, bookworms with her hair pinned up who's so engulfed in books that she has no social contact. Thing is...I've always had this thing for looking behind the glasses and seeing what she REALLY looks like; I've spotted more than a few diamonds before they came out of their shells, despite the doubts of my peers. And I've always had this urge to take a seat in front of her while she's reading, get that shy "I'm sorry???" look from her, and then ask, "Mind if I take those for a second? I wanna see what you look like..."

lol... See, that's the kinda subtlety I'm into. I'm the cat that gets thrilled by little things. 'You really wanna throw me? Reveal a little... But if you really wanna turn me off, reveal a lot. Short skirts = Turn off. Capris = Turn on. Mad makeup = Turn off. Natural tones = Turn on. Loud, shrill voice = Turn off. Cool, even tone = Turn on.

And I'm not tryna get myself in trouble here; I know touching is risky business. All I'm giving is a "for instance" aight? But this is me... Most dudes have certain choice "spots" they concentrate on from the time they meet a girl and they're dying to put their hands there from the time they meet. That's not me. If I have to make contact, it's a totally different kind. I get a kick out of those places nobody thinks about. I might pinch the back of her arm, play with her forearm, then kiss her palm. I'm attracted to shoulders like no other... necks too.

Activities... I mean, definitely go out. But you know what I like better than going out? The ride. I just love being behind the wheel and having a beautiful woman in the passenger seat. There's nothing but us and maybe some music. Good conversation.

And even before I actual date someone, the FLIRTING... oh my goodness. Most of my flirting, I'm not even actively doing anything. I friggin flirt from across the room. EYE CONTACT... There have been days when I might get a hair cut and hit the mall... I'm tam'bout, one girl made eye contact with me and we straight got stuck on each other like "is security gonna have to come break this up or what?!" BOTH of us almost tripped over whatever was in front of us, lol. And I'm not even gonna get into the time that that happened between a young lady and I as we were entering and exiting a school doorway; crazy eye contact, and we were IN THE DOORFRAME. I don't know how they make doors where ya'll are from, but I'm tam'bout there were 3 inches between us...

Subtlety... Instead of complimenting only on looks, I've complimented women on just having beautiful voices. I met one lady (she was married) who had a beautiful talking tone with this fly NY accent. So I complimented her on it. And as I reminisce on a particular friend of mine, the thing I loved most about her is she had this infectious laugh... plus she was usually what was funny, lol. Another friend of mine had this cute bounce-step she used to do outta the blue.

The most effective subtlety of all though... Time has tested and proven it... Perfume. Perfume will never go outta style. There have been nights I might've been somewhere, had a good time, a few young ladies there. I remember one night in a computer lab at my first college a ladyfriend had on a hint of something sweet; she came in and gently put her hand on my shoulder (right when I needed it too, cuz it was late and I was BLOW'D bout that assignment, lol). It was months later, somebody else had on that same scent, and I stopped whatever I was doing and flashed back to that previous occasion; I felt warm as HECK, cold as it was outside. If I coulda called my friend up, I DEFINITELY would have. Warning: notice I said a HINT of something sweet. DON'T BATHE IN PERFUME. IT GIVES CATS HONEST ABE HEADACHES, lol

So, to you females out there breaking your necks to make things happen, ease up a little, aight? There are some brothas out there who appreciate the subtleties, and I get the impression that most women like their men perceptive. Consider The V-Day Series doubled-up. More to come...

All LoveB-J

Playlist: Xscape - My Little Secret

The V-Day Series: Love Language

Remember that double-up I promised ya? Well, its about time we deal with that. This post and the next are going to be related to each other, but varied in approach. What they both boil down to is relating to one another.

This post I call Love Language because we're going to talk about communication. ...I SAID COMMUNICATION! ...You're still here? Good.

Communication is key to any relationship of merit; even as high as our relationship with God, we communicate through prayer and reading God's Word. Yet, we struggle with communication. Matter of fact, most dudes I know get mad if a girl wants to talk, and most girls I know don't express themselves effectively.

So here it is ladies and gents: before this Valentine's Day jumps off, let's talk...

1. Be mindful of what you say. I'm a sensitive cat myself, so I pick up on things that people say that have the potential to be hurtful. Something you think is innocent could easily devastate the one you love. In the Bible, it talks about dwelling with someone "according to knowledge." It's really referring to marriage, but it goes for premarriage as well. You have to get into the mind of the person you're dating and know what makes them tick. Then adjust your words accordingly. Believe me yo, while people rant and rave about "game", common courtesy has been my best friend when relating to the opposite sex simply because so many brothas aren't conscious of the effect of what they say.

A second dimension of being mindful of your words is simply this: let good words flow from you. I used to admire girls from a distance and never express my feelings because I was too shy. I kid you not: it made me sick. I couldn't concentrate and every time I went to class I felt my heart about to burst out of my chest. I might be crazy, but I don't think it's natural for us to repress compliments. So even as a single man I let them flow, and if you're in a relationship with someone, you should DEFINITELY let them flow. It can only generate good feelings in return. Its worth the extra effort and makes quality time extra special.

Third dimension: we speak with more than our words. Our actions and body language speak as much as, if not more than, our mouths (and hands and fingers with various mediums). I'll come back to this later on

2. Be mindful of HOW YOU SAY IT. Think about it like this: we usually say a kiss is more intimate than a glance right? But that's relative... a peck on the cheek doesn't mean as much as a long, sensuous stare from across the room. What you do takes on a whole new meaning depending on how you do it. Only here we're talking about communication.

Tone - knowing the right intensity with which to say something. For instance, yelling is usually NOT a smart way to communicate your feelings. Talking fast causes problems as well. Don't laugh at something if your date/mate is serious. Maintain a soft tone if you want to be addressed in a soft tone.

Diction - knowing the right words to say. It doesn't matter what you say if you say it wrong; the receiver of your words will focus more on the impression you leave than on what you actually said. "That dress makes you look quite large" vs. "I prefer you in this other dress." One of these dudes got hurt when it was all said and done, the other had better diction. "I deserve some attention" vs. "I need some attention." Same request, but the first is a big arrogant; the second is more of a plea, which is much better.

Tact - knowing the right time to say something. Having an argument in public... baaaaad tact. Bring up a problem at the end of a long, hard day... baaaaad tact. Only displaying affection in front of people... baaaaad tact.

3. Be mindful of what you don't say. Alllright... coming full circle. This applies to men and women, but I know maaany more women that do this. If you need to say something, it's best to go ahead and say it; maybe not at the moment mind you (tactfulness please), but do eventually say it. Speaking in code, dropping hints, and just sitting on it are not good for relationships. Unsaid feelings don't go away, and they can turn into something terrible given the right amount of time. There's always a way to express yourself that is both honest and constructive; there's no need to sacrifice either for the other. If you have to postpone the conversation or write a letter, just get it out there. And be careful of this also: oftentimes what we don't express verbally, we express with our bodies and demeanor. Not to pry... but I notice some young ladies who don't walk like they're proud to be with the guys they're with. It's all over their faces, their walk, their absentee gazes. So peeps, if you got something on your chest, gon' let it off. CONSTRUCTIVELY...


Alright, you may see some addendums over time on this post, but I wanna get to the second while it's still fresh in my mind. I'm really looking forward to it. But for now, soak in the love language; it's not nearly as hard as we make it out to be. When you really love somebody, this'll all start to make sense to ya. You'll be talkin that talk in no time.

All LoveB-J

ALMOST FORGOT... Playlist: Talib Kweili feat. Les Nubians - Love Language

The V-Day Series: For the Grown and...

...Let's just leave it at the grown, lol. This is gonna be a quick post with whatchu might call a "soundtrack to Valentine's Day". Listed below are the artists to look for if you reeeally wanna add atmosphere to your Valentine's Day rendezvous. But get it right: this is grown folks music. I'm not bumpin' that newbie pup music.

My kids (Sunday School, not MY kids, lol) and some of my homies always say "Old people did the same things we're doing right now; they're no better than us! And their music says the same things, so it's no better either!" lol... Maybe so. But do ya'll realize how many teens we got singing about grown folk's business compared to the way it used to be? Think about it: Al Green, meet Lloyd; Temptations, meet B2K; Marvin Gaye, meet Mario. And no, the Jackson 5 weren't singing about gettin' their freak on, lol. Come off it peeps, really... It's not the same thing.

TANGENT, lol. Here's my playlist for Valentine's Day. I'm giving you artists as well as my personal favs by the artists. Individual songs may vary, mind you; it depends on how classy or classless you wanna be about it, lol...

Al Green - Love and Happiness, Let's Stay Together
Marvin Gaye - I Want You, After the Dance
Case - Touch Me, Tease Me; I'm Missing You, Faded Pictures
Joe - The Things Your Man Won't Do, Love Scene, Faded Pictures
Keith Sweat - How Deep Is Your Love, Twisted, My Body... just get the greatest hits album, lol
The Emotions - Don't Ask My Neighbor
Ben E. King - Stand By Me
Sade - Kiss of Life... get the greatest hits, lol
Luther Vandross - Here and Now, Secret Love... get the greatest hits, lol
Toni Braxton - Another Sad Love Song, Breath Again, Just Be a Man About It
Mariah Carey - Can't Let Go, Don't Forget About Us, We Belong Together... get the greatest hits and the new album
Lisa Fischer - How Can I Ease the Pain
Billie Holiday - Night and Day
Silk - Freak Me, Lose Control
Boyz II Men - Four Seasons of Loneliness
Shai - If I Ever Fall In Love, Comforter
Gerald Levert - hm...
The O'Jays - Darling Darling Baby
Lennie Williams - 'CAuse I Love You
Kem - I Can't Stop Loving You; Back in My Life (high anticipations for this cat)
Raheem Devaughn - Guess Who Loves You More (highly anticipated as well)
Tony Bennet - it's Tony Bennet; you can't lose
R. Kelly - Go old school R. Kelly, you can't go wrong... well technically... just stay outta trouble, lol
The Isley Brothers - For the Love of You, greatest hits
Barry White - Greatest hits
Babyface - Two Occasions (the Deele), Whip Appeal, When Can I See You Again, greatest hits
Shirley Murdoc - As We Lay (controversy here, lol)
Peabo Bryson - Can You Stop the Rain
Anita Baker - Just Because, Body and Soul, go for the greats peeps
Earth Wind and Fire (shout to Doc Makin) - After the Love has Gone, greatest hits
Diana Ross - Missing You
D'Angelo - Lady, Brown Sugar
Tamia - You Put a Move on My Heart, I'm So Into You
Johnny Gill - My My My (confirmed... the brotha is not gay. I repeat, the brotha is not gay. hallelujah...)
Maxwell - Get to Know Ya, Ascension, Sumthin Sumthin
New Edition - Can You Stand the Rain, I"m Still in Love with You, ONE MORE DAY <-----very slept on track!
112 - Cupid, Only You, SOMEONE TO HOLD<-----never released, but trust me, it's a Feb. 14th necessity 4 sho!
Jill Scott - The Way
Aaliyah - At Your Best... (it's Aaliyah; Aaliyah knew something about love songs. if you lose with Aaliyah, you're just a loser, lol...)
LTD featuring Jeffrey Osborne - Love Ballad

More than likely, you'll see this list grow between now and V-Day. But don't worry, you got plenty of time to get out there and cop this stuff, lol. It'll be worth it after the sun sets... All LoveB-J

The V-Day Series: Love and Friendship

Whoa... a day blew right by me. But I'll double-up to make up for it, don't worry, lol.

Love and friendship... You know, I actually learned more about love by being in an intimate one-year friendship than in chasing all the girls I've chased in my whole life. I'm not going to return to that place and time; I understand that I've missed out on something beautiful and there's no way to get it back. But I will share with you the benefits of my experience.

From that special friendship, I learned the true difference between love and lust. Even now I can honestly, and sadly, say that most of the girls I've chased after in my life I chased in a lustful spirit. How do I know it was lust and not love? Peep:

1. Love is preferring someone else over yourself. And it's not just doing nice things for them; it's being more mindful of them than you are of yourself. It's when a man goes to work not because he loves his job, but because he loves his wife. It's when a girl wears that dress not because she likes it, but because she knows her boyfriend likes it on her. It's when you willingly overexert yourself to be kind to another person; and when it's over you don't hold it against them or expect anything in return.

2. Lust is pursuing someone else for what you can get out of it. Maybe a girl is beautiful and a man just wants to have her on his arm to validate himself. Maybe he just wants to sleep with her to know what it feels like to sleep with a beautiful woman. Maybe a man is rich and and a lady wants all she can get from him. It's when you seek after someone else with selfish intentions; the other person's satisfaction either never comes into question or takes a far-second place to your own.


Now, I'll talk a little about my experience with my special friend. No details, but I will tell you this: I would have gone to the furthest of the extent of my power for her. I wasn't comfortable unless I knew she was comfortable. When we parted ways, I missed her to the pit of my soul, and all I could think of was, "Is she okay? who's looking after her?" It was so bad that I didn't mind if another person cared for her, as long as she was cared for. And in time, another person did care for her. Through it all, I learned the difference between love and lust; a hurtful lesson, but well worth it.

So ladies and gentlemen, when people say "it's best to start off as friends," it's not just being old-fashioned; there is something valuable to learn by being a true friend to someone you're considering. It's a lesson in the difference between love and lust. A true friendship will make love plain to you, and from there you can grow a strong and lasting relationship. If it comes too fast, it's probably (not always) lust; look at your intentions and determine if they're selfish or benevolent.

Incidently, talking about my personal experiences and sharing what I've learned from them makes me feel more at peace with them. For those who might stop through, I hope you'll consider what I'm saying and try them for yourselves.

Next blog pending, lol

All LoveB-J

The V-Day Series: Let Romance Continue...

In the middle of 2005 I created a blogsite called Romancexpress - Romantic Expressions. Since then I've made post after post, touching romance from a variety of angles, for romance is more than images of love and lust; it's happiness, sadness, mystery, heroism, anger, passion, loftiness, and even contentment. However, this is the time of year when lovers really come alive. So now, let's dive into this thing called lovers' romance and make with the fireworks!

Romance is for fools; or so many have said. Well... I'm a fool then. A big fool. See, romance is something that's not always practical. What's practical about pinching the back of a young lady's arm playfully, or gracing her chin with your fingertips, or dancing with her in an empty school hallway... Not a thing, but see if that stops me, lol. When I think about life, I think about what life would be like without the romance: the oddities, the spontanaeity, the zest. If everything in life had to make sense... If everything in life could be broken down to a simple mathematical equation...

In a pracitcal world, beauty doesn't make sense; smiles are for nought. Some might say that in a practical world these things would bring about more suspicion than anything. But I don't live in that kinda world; or maybe I haven't accepted it yet. You remember I mentioned Don Quixote in a previous post. Don Quixote, a character from a book of the same title, lived in his own, romantic world in the midst of a world that didn't accept his wild, eccentric ways. He became an interference to the people around him. Yet... In their hearts, they wished to see his world come to pass. His lowly sidekick wished to truly become governor of some remote island; the inn harlots truly wished to have lifestyles as respected women. Don Quixote offered such dreams to all those around him, and maybe had they dreamed a little, the dreams would have come to pass. And if you ask me, I think it would have been worth it for them to know their heart's satisfaction, if only for a moment.

I know it feels like this is neither here nor there, but it's everywhere, lol. Just be patient...

When I say "Let Romance Continue...", I say it because I see so many who have given up on romance. There are men that say, "Romance is for soft cats; real men don't get into all that," so they never spark romance. Then there are women that say, "Romance? These brothas are just running game," and refuse to accept romance. But this give-and-take is vital to romance... What happens to romance when half the people don't give, and the other half won't take? It dies. Really, I don't have to tell you: being romantic and not receiving romantic expression in return makes you feel obsolete; I mean it really hurts. Love letters: nobody takes them seriously anymore. A simple compliment from a brotha to a sista, often met with rolling eyes, popping teeth, gaggled laughter. (I mean, there is such a think as a compliment without dating intentions... take it easy, pleasy...) Yet, somehow I know that all these people in some way want to live in a time where romance breathes. Am I crazy for believing that? You probably think Don was crazy too, huh...

It's the second day of February. I'm looking across the landscape and seeing a new Valentine's Day on twelve-times the far horizon. It's a blazing rose-red trimmed in gold. But without the romance, it will be just another day of repetitious, perfunctory candies, cards, and flowers. Working the night shift at Target I can already see, taste, smell, and touch the Valentine's Days of a 12 million people. It will be a day filled with unoriginal, repetitious, and perfunctory cards, candies, stuffed animals, and flowers. Is your love so bland? Is that the best you can do? Where's the romance? You got one day! Make it memorable! Don't make me have to the replenish the shelves in the aftermath of your last minute gift shopping!

Don't get me wrong... Traditional romantic sentiments are beautiful. The roses, the chocolates, the cards... they're all nice. But when you buy them, does it really express your feelings, or is it just the socially accepted way to celebrate Valentine's Day? Think about it: I mean, does your ladyfriend even LIKE chocolate? What's her favorite food? Why not take her out for some of that? What's your man's favorite song? Why not sing it to him? Take off work! Don't worry about it; cats like me can get the job done for ya for one day, lol.


This is all I ask... To anybody who reads this:
If you have romance, give it; if you're offered romance, receive it
This is how we keep the romance alive and breathing.

-All LoveB-J

The V-Day Series: Chivalry vs. Chauvanism

So the first day of February has arrived and we're already ahead of the game. As Mr. Burns (from the Simpsons) would say, "Exxcellent..."

Now I'm going to demonstrate a very important piece of my philosophy of life: in order to fix things, there must be an order of operation. My personal belief (for which I've caught a lot of flack in the past, present, and probably for as long as cats fear responsibility) is that getting men to do the right thing first will cause many other things to fall into place. I had a long night at work, so if anybody disagrees that's fine... I'm friggin tired.

So this thing called chivalry and this thing called chauvanism... I've always been into chivalry ever since I was young and I never quite understood why; most fellas I know complain about it. I learned a thing or two my first year in college about what chivalry really was. Chivalry was started as a "substitute for the Bible" in Europe at a time when people of certain regions didn't always have access to the Bible or couldn't read it because they were illiterate or because it hadn't been translated into their own language. From there, chivalry kinda became its own entity. I learned these things while studying Don Quixote... we'll talk more about that later.

Chauvanism - "machismo" some call it. "An attitude of superiority toward the opposite sex," according to Webster. And yes, even in 2006 there are a lot of cats who maintain such an attitude; some knowingly, others unknowingly. Believe it or not, some people exhibit chauvanism in an honest attempt to be chivalrous. One must be careful, or your Valentine's Day could go up in smoke and keyed-up car doors. Let's break it down a little further...

I thought about making a checklist, but nah, I don't need to do that. It's like my pastor said of the Bible once: "The Bible is effective because it's a book of principles more than a book of rules." So here are a few simple principles to remember to keep you in the position of a knight and not a pig:

1. Chivalry places a woman on a pedestal. It doesn't assume she is incapable of anything; it simply preserves her from the wear and tear. The attitude is, "Yes, you are fully capable of doing X, but you shouldn't have to do X because I'm here."

2. Chauvanism places a woman beneath you; and not in the biblical sense of the "weaker vessel"*, but in the inferiority sense. It says, "You are incapable of doing X, so I will do it for you; not only that but you're only capable of doing Y, and that's your position."


Simple enough? So, with Valentine's Day coming up, brothers, there's your two-part outline that should keep you from making serious faux pas with your lady love. Matter of fact, take those with you, free of charge, for the rest of the year. If you master those two principles, the rules will come to you no problem.

Now, I had a talk with a younger friend of mine the other day. Cat told me dudes would jock him about being sensitive to females; it made him question himself, if you know what I mean. But in light of these two principles, let's look at what really happened. By being tenderhearted, the young cat was being chivalrous; by refusing to recognize women, his homeboys were being chauvanistic. You predict who's gonna have the best Valentine's Day... Way to man-up, homie!

*A note regarding the "weaker vessel" concept. Just to set the rec... (cancel that; friggin cliche) So we don't amass confusion in this piece, the "weaker vessel" concept is simply this: though woman is fully capable of doing what man does, her creative purpose is not to do what man does. Otherwise, why did God make man and woman? The job of a man is to fulfill his duties so that a woman can be a woman and not be outside of her element. To make it plain, ask any single mother if she's out of her element in being both mother and father to her children... So you see, the "weaker vessel" concept is not at all meant to be demeaning. As always, it's All LoveB-J