The V-Day Series: The Shy Guy

Et-ahem... A lot of delays in the posting, I know. It's all intentional, especially regarding the last post, believe me. Remember, I'm trying to get my own Valentine's on as I handle all this, lol.

Ahem... The Shy Private Eye... Ya know, I don't know what it is; I've never known a cat who was considered a "nice guy" who wasn't shy. You see, I'm also one of those guys. Yes, I'm a lot less shy than I used to be. But as you can tell by my last post, the direct approach doesn't quite come naturally to me.

I was talking to my homeboy at work last night/this morning. He told me that back in high school he had a fear of rejection, and that was something I could definitely connect with. So how do we beat this shyness...

Well, as always, in order to defeat the enemy you must first understand it, lol. I'm no expert, but seeing as how I have the shyness disease, perhaps I can shed some light by divulging my own thoughts. The fear of rejection is a big part of my shyness, I admit. But it's not just the reaction of the person in question that I'm thinking about. This is my worst case scenario: a failed attempt at dating someone that you see on a regular basis creates an awkwardness that could cause great discomfort. Take the young lady I'm considering right now for instance. She works at a local drug store. Suppose things don't go down smoothly... From then on it would be quite awkward just casually going to the store right? Hm... actually, it sounds stupid when I read what I just wrote. But I'll write on.

Then there's the reaction of the person. I admit, there have been times when I got a bad reaction because I chose a bad time to express my feelings. But you can't fool me: some of these girls are outright MEAN, lol. Like, they get a kick out of the fact you admire them, and take advantage of the chance to smash on a brotha. ... I don't like the way this sounds either. It's kinda punkish. I'm not very proud of myself right now, lol.

My homie Cause of DEF (look him up from earlier posts) told me something one time that really made a difference in how I relate to women. He said that the key thing was having confidence in yourself. The more I think about it, the more sense it makes; one thing I know is that women like security, and how can a woman be secure with a man who is unsure of himself? Well... I'm not gonna front; at times I am unsure of myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I'm any less of a person than anyone else. It's just a bad habit. See, in school I was that kid: the brainiac. I really don't need to go any further with that, but it's hard to cultivate that kinda confidence when you grow up getting smashed on so much. Shoot... even my pops used to smash on me: "Small people have a hard time in life... The girls won't like you if you don't get bigger... You'd never make it as a football/basketball player..." (for the record, yeah, I'm 6'0 weighing in at a buck-thirty) And as for my looks... I don't really know how I look. I consider myself a posterchild of regular-regular, dig? Not to demean myself, but just because I have no idea what cats see when they see me. Nobody goes out of their way to compliment a brotha; nobody goes out of their way to make fun of me either. And this cat never pushed the issue for fear of getting his feelings hurt, lol.

So there I am. The shyness unravelled. BUT, I'm not satisfied with being shy; I'm determined to come out of my shell and enjoy what's out there. So how am I combatting the tendency toward shyness? With logic of course, lol...

The same homeboy that told me he was shy in school told me something else that reminded me of a post I made earlier: regardless of the rejection possibility, it's better to know for sure than to have lingering thoughts. The dreaded "what if" equation, in other words. Nobody likes being hurt, but is it worth never venturing into unknown territory? What kind of world would this be if everybody stuck only to what they were familiar with? We'd probably still be in the Dark Ages, huh? The risk is worth the reward I guess.

But should I come up short, should I get humiliated, should I fall flat on my face... There are two things I can take away from the experience. One, I can forget about the girl and erase her from my mind forever without regret. Two, I must realize that she is only one girl; not only are there others, but each one has her own preferences. It should be no embarrassment to myself if she rejects me; it just means I was meant for another with different tastes.

And then there's the rewards of success. I never think about this because I have the wrong attitude, but for once I'm thinking about it: I could end up obtaining the object of my desire. Whoa... That would be CRAZY. But then there's this bonus... Should I spark her interest, I would think that that would do WONDERS for my self esteem. To know that, if nothing else, there's that one girl in the whole world I admire who thinks I'm worth something would give me more confidence. Hopefully tho, if all goes well I won't need anymore confidence, cuz I'll be keeping the one I end up with, lol. Ironic...

So there it is; me being shy and me talking myself out of being shy. All hogwash. The only thing that matters is whether or not I follow thru on my reasoning. Valentine's Day is Tuesday. It's Saturday. I got... hm... practically a day to prepare, a day to execute, and a day to enjoy with...

B-J