EnCouraged

Between yesterday and right now, I got a looot of encouragement. I definitely needed it, but I love that most of it I didn't even see coming. I feel real strong right now, more alive than I've felt in a little while.

It started with a youth meeting at my church. It was scheduled for 12:00 but I wasn't sure if there was another meeting scheduled for 10:00, so I came out 2 hours early. I had to find a way to kill 2 hours, so I took a slow drive and ended up at my aunt's house. She's real cool, so we just talked about and hour and fifteen minutes. Saw a good bit of some Jackie Chan movie that had us laughing a good bit. They said something about the city of Rodderdam and she told me about a funny time when one of my great uncles was a boy and made a joke outta that word, lol...

Soon, I left because I wanted to get to the meeting on time. Decided to roll real slow through the familiar neighborhood. I imagined some of my friends still lived here, but I had no idea where. Still, I drove by a house where I knew one lived; lo and behold, he was standing outside! I stopped my car in the middle of the street, rolled down my window and holla'd out. He didn't know who I was at first, but soon we were talking just like old times. Dude is married now with a daughter, and he told me things were kinda rough for them right now. I had been waiting for an opportunity to invite him to my church, so I took full advantage. Hopefully I'll see him today, ya know? I'm just thankful no traffic rolled thru, long as I was in that street, lol..

Continued on my merry way; decided to take another shot at the drugstore... You know, where the "beautiful one" works. lol...I punked out. Went in the store, never made it to the back, grabbed some almonds, dapped this dude down I knew at the front, rolled out. Ya ever get the feeling something just wasn't in you and that any time it was in you, it was just you being more than what you really are? Anywasy, I drove down to the church pondering, "I think I'm gonna let EVERY SINGLE GIRL I EVER KNEW go and start over. I'm ti'ed of this." lol...

I got to the church and met one of my favorite students there when I walked in. We talked for a minute and she asked about my lil sis; I told her she was cool an all. Eventually the Rev. showed up and the meeting began. It was a fairly productive meeting, but it was after the meeting that really did it for me. I got to meet one of my student's parents. She and I talked for a long time about the importance of seeing what's out there, travelling the world; my student's parents are military so they've been around a lot. She told me about Germany and Paris, and I told her about my brief stay in Canada. Seeing the world is now something I'm considering more now than ever; but best BELIEVE I'm not going thru the military to do it, lol. Anyway, after that conversation, she kinda told me what it was like having to hold things down while her husband was in Kuwait. Sidenote: I hate the strain that the military puts on families. However, this was no doubt a strong woman; I saw why her daughter turned out the way she did as one of the most well-behaved students I've had.

Before it was all said and done, my student's mother began telling me that I stood out at the church with the way that I carried myself. She hadn't been at the church long, maybe two years or so, but she said it was one of the first things she noticed when she came (she reminded me I had my afro back then, lol). She said a lot of kids really took note of the things I did as well. She will never know how much, but I really needed that. I feel contorted and discouraged a lot, constantly alert that at any moment things could turn for the worse or better. It feels good to know that trying so hard all these years has meant something to somebody. For that, I know I can keep trying a little while longer.

When I got home from that, I pretty much slept all day... except I handed an MC a crushing KO defeat after he attempted to cheat on me, but that's another story, lol. I was sleeping because I had to go to work last night and I've also got to conduct Youth Sunday for two services and teach Sunday school as well. Eventually, I decided I couldn't handle it, so I called in to work; I couldn't afford to accidentally oversleep as I had last Sunday because that could halt two services and leave my students out in the cold. Funny... before I got up this morning I had a dream that appeared to be the ending to my drugstore visit that never happened. Never know if it's legit, but it didn't end well... I mean, not terribly, but let's just say she was occupied, eh?

Before I wrote this piece, I went in search of a few songs I heard on the radio; it seems a lot of classic gangsta rappers are showing signs of a new life. It's really got me hopeful; it's one thing for middle class people with ordinary everyday situations and traditional perspectives to speak positivity; it's quite another for people who have done dirt and lived rough and faced the jaws of death and had negative mentalities to show signs of light. Listening to these songs, it's really encouraging me to continue in my pursuit of making things better where I am; I'm already looking forward to maybe collaborating with these cats. I'm thankful for their courage and for the courage they're sharing in their music.

All LoveB-J

Playlist:
Mack 10 - The Testimony
Warren G, Ice Cube, B Real, Snoop Dogg - Get You Down Part II