I Must Have the Pimpinest Walk on Earth...

I'm not braggin folks. When I was younger, all I used to get was "Ay Matt! Do that walk man! That joint funny as heck." One cat was like, "If I walked like that, I'd shoot myself." Somehow when I got older, "funny" became "pimp". Somehow I've managed to adopt a pimp walk, but I didn't even know what a pimp was until I was about 16-17; never even seen one. Actually, I did, but I thought he was some kinda Black clown; no offense intended, that's just what I thought I was looking at at the time...

Anywasy, so I've been hearing about "the walk" for years now. At church, at school, in other cities, from friends, family, total strangers, old dudes, young dudes, old ladies, young ladies. It's been described as "cool", "breezy", "pimp", "slow-motion", "swagger", "intimidating", "skating on air", "moonwalking forward", "nonchalant", "lazy", "slothful", and "gangsta". But the reason I'm writing this blog about it is because my co-worker Dave gave it the wildest description the other day.

This cat, in about his mid- to late- 30's, declared that the way I walked said, "I slapped so many h0es that I broke my wrist, but I'm on my way to slap some more h0es..." Then he was like, "For real tho... He look like he bout to beat the h3ll outta somebody doesn't he? He could probably do it too..."

Dag... Is that what my friend Renae really meant when she said my walk was "intimidating"? I do have some huge hands too; 'can't really help it tho. And I ain't gon' lie, I do think about fighting most of the time; it's better than thinking about sex, and it derives from the same part of the brain. Maybe it was because I used to walk with my left hand in my pocket all the time when I was little. Or maybe it was a defense mechanism I developed to keep kids from screwin with me at school. Or maybe it was from being mad so much at home all the time. Who knows. But it definitely had nothing to do with pimping, or women period for that matter; I've been rolling solo going on a decade this year.

Whatever it is, it's prolly permanent. But really, you're more concerned about it than I am. Maybe that's what they mean when they say "nonchalant"; I walk like I don't care because I really don't. Life is too short. So I just take my time and enjoy the scenery. Maybe that's what they mean when they say "slow motion".

Anywasy, I'm tryna cop a second pair of nunchaku soon (not the training ones this time), so I'm bout to "skate" off to work and make some a dat bread. Slap ya later (if u don't have my paper)...

All LoveB-J