This is the Most Pitiful...

...display of "please purchase me" that I've seen since Marques Houston released his Naked album. So I'm at work last night, right? Putting boxes on shelves, minding my own business. It's nearing Christmas time so toys are real big right now. So I'm heading to the backroom toy section to replenish something on the shelf there.

I get halfway down the aisle, and all of a sudden I hear this whiny-whimpery noise. I'm saying to myself, "What in the...!?" I'm spinning around and seeing nothing. So I stop. Then the noise starts again. It's coming from right next to my leg.

I look down... It's a friggin Pound Puppy. That son of a... (can't I say it this time? it really is a son of a "one-of-those" after all...) I think it's got some kind of motion sensor on it. So guess what? When people walk by it in the store, it's gonna start whimpering. And I mean, it's the most pitiful sound you ever wanna hear; complete with the most pitiful face you ever wanna see. And it moves too! Dadgommit... I wanted to buy one for all THAT whining.

So I would just like to complain. Do you realize how many kids are gonna go to the store, never THINKING about that mutt, and the minute they walk by it, they're gonna fall in love with it, and parents are gonna have to buy it or break their kids hearts, and some women might even buy one for themselves. It's pretty friggin sad. Those sons of... (I SHOULD BE ABLE TO SAY IT DADGOMMIT!) They're gonna sell like hotcakes.

And all I could think about all night was, "Man... I think I need a dog." Yeah... Like I can really afford a dog right now. Matter of fact I might screw around and buy one of them Pound Puppies... 1) Ya don't gotta feed em. 2) Ya don't gotta clean up after em. 3) They'll probably outlast me. 4) I mean look at it... It's so pitiful in that box... on that shelf... all by it's lonesome...

What am I saying... F#CK YA'LL DOG!!! HAAAAhaaaa...

All LoveB-J

(Note to self: No profanity please. Kids might be watching. Thank You.)