Bittersweet Dreams

"Mercy Mercy Me (the Ecology)" huh... What a video. That was so dope; so soulful, so relevant. Video Soul, keep doin whatchu do for a Jigabod aight...

Well, I'm not sure what to call it, but this is what it is: I opened up a water bill and there was a brochure in it. But it wasn't the bill or what was in the brochure that concerned me; on the cover of the brochure were pictures from several water-related facilities in my area. The one that caught my attention was the area lock-and-dam.

Dag... I've only been there once in my life. It was in the seventh grade I think, after our team got cheated in the Science Bowl. Our coaches took us there after the event to reward us; the lock-and-dam was also a park, so we spent the rest of the afternoon there. I'll never forget who was there. There was the one girl who I had a crush on at the time; then there was the girl I SHOULDA had a crush on.

I just started thinking to myself, "What are the odds... If I were to grab my keys right now and roll down to the lock-and-dam... she might be there too..." Yeah right, lol. Number one, I'm not burning that much gas, cuz I don't even remember how to get to the lock-and-dam. Number two, think back to my "What If" post from waaaaaay back at the beginning of my blog journey; well, she's one of the married chicks I mentioned.

But sheesh, it's been a long time since I've thought about her. The last time I thought about her, it was when my little sister noticed me watching Keyshia Cole and said, "She kinda reminds you of ______ doesn't she?" (btw, that was the most perceptive thing my sister ever said to me; she read me like a book, lol)

I just started imagining going down to the lock. Maybe the park is the same as it was that day back in middle school. And maybe she's looking out over the water. Hopefully, she throws me that same look as when I saw her last, in the mall; just a look that said she was sincerely happy to see me. A quick hug, then a chat. Maybe I bring up that corny, true-geek letter I sent her in the 10th grade when I transferred schools to get her to laugh; MAN she had a great laugh. And the harder she laughed the better it always sounded. And then, by some miracle, I discover that she's not really married. Maybe it was a rouse or she was just in a situation or whatever. And she and I spend the rest of the day at the lock together, catching up, goofing off... the way it shoulda happened back in middle school, lol.

Ya know, I had a dream about running into her once before; I was asleep for that one though. It was the most random thing in the world, but I dreamt that for some reason I was in Atlanta. And I think she called my name out, or something like that; anyway we just end up meeting in the middle of the street. And when we embrace, time slows down for us, and everything around us just becomes a blur. I mean, it doesn't sound very strange or atypical... I'm just not used to having dreams like that. You know, where everything's that perfect. Tangent...

But you know, even writing this blog, I'm not really bitter. Sure, I would've liked to have had her, even for a little while. But--- and I'm not quite sure how to call this--- I'm content. I'm single, and I'm... content. I think about girls, but I'm not killin myself over anybody, ya know? I just like to dream. Doesn't mean I'm actually in love; it's just a sweet scenario.

The real bitterness in all of it is, I don't really dream a lot anymore. Maybe there is such a thing as being too content; I mean, for Pete's sake, I opened a water bill and was more fascinated with the picture on the brochure than with the amount I'm about to hafta shell out.

Or maybe... I just need to stop staying up so late writing blogs for you cats and get some shuteye, lol.

Jesus PeaceB-J