There It Is!!! **lock and load**

Big shout out to my lil homie JRid overseas. About an hour or so ago he and I were having a discussion about the deterioration of the family and I was telling him how important it was to keep Jesus at the forefront and to plan his family such that he can provide both material things and time. And somehow he ended up bringing up the Serenity Prayer...

That use to be my prayer! Suddenly mind flashed back to 1995. The first time I heard that prayer was on the Goodie Mob's "Soul Food" album. I remember after I heard it, my church at the time had designed the programs with the Serenity Prayer on the front (and St. Francis of Assisi written beneath the prayer); I took mine and tacked it to my wall right next to my bed. It remained there until I moved into our new house.

That prayer... "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." I remember feeling like that was where most people stopped; the complacency of the people around me used to eat at me like a slow-burning acid. But then came my favorite part: "Courage to change the things I can..." It felt good to hear the Goodie Mob talk about courage and change. I was determined to use my life to make things better around me, and every time I heard that part, I knew somewhere in GA there were four other brothas who intended to do the same and I wasn't alone. "Wisdom to know the difference..." The thing that brought it all together: the spirit of discernment. With that, I wouldn't hafta fear "going too far" or "holding on too tight" or "lost causes"; I trusted that God would find a way to lead me to and away from where I needed to be.

And now I remember: that's what used to be on my mind when I would approach the microphone. I went to the mic knowing this was a chance for me to change something. Sure, on the larger scale, I couldn't change a thing without God's say so. But the courage to make the attempt surely would yield something. And I spit believing, like a sledgehammer to a boulder determined to reduce it to rubble, no matter how many strikes it took.

"I'll be held accountable for the light I could have shed..." An excerpt from a verse spoken by Cee Lo Green on a song he was featured on. When I would rap, I thought about who I would be accountable for if I didn't give my maximum effort with every line of every verse. As of recent, I had become a bit more complacent, realizing that it's not up to me to determine the fate of another. But you know what?... That's how I want it to be, lol. Friends told me that I put too much on myself, but I think that's what I'm here for. The stress, the burden, the pressure... that's what made me spit that way.

I can see that program next to my bed so vividly in my mind; the page was burgandy, the writing was beige, there were folded hands behind the words. And just like that, I feel like that piece of me has returned. If I were into tattooes I'd get the Serenity Prayer tattooed on me, maybe over my heart, maybe across the top of my back. For now, I'll just be satisfied to leave it at the end of this blog the way I heard it on the "Soul Food" album:


"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Ahhhh..."

Jesus PeaceB-J