Blocked

Hey, I'm sorry. Don't mean to leave ya'll hanging like this. I haven't forgotten about the blog and all; believe it or not, I've had about 8-10 good ideas for blogs, and I even started writing most of them when I thought em up. But then, I just deleted em. I would write maybe a paragraph and then I'd just lose my appetite, and "poof".

I have no idea what's going on. I'm trying to get focused, but I still feel a lot of outside pressures knocking me off-center. I'm off work for a while to get totally freed up; hopefully I won't spend that time freeing myself from new obligations. I'm desperate to get things going just so I can silence cats. That's how it always is with me: the results of my actions always do more to defend me than my explanations. So it's best I get cracking.

The problem is, I'm still not sure exactly what I'm doing. I've got five books in my room behind me right now:

1) The Music Business: Career Opportunities and Self-Defense
2) Iacocca: An Autobiography
3) Launching New Ventures: An Entrepreneurial Approach
4) Winning Grants Step by Step
5) Grant Writing: Strategies for Developing Winning Proposals

In my mind, I'm contemplating:

1) Completing two albums, which was my first goal. The albums are Battlecataclysmic - "Gargoyle" and Jigabod - "Apology". I want these completed because my number-one priority is putting a buzz in people's ears to help them along and turn whoever I can back to God. That's all I was ever in it for.

2) Finding a way to profit from serving others. And DON'T MISREAD THIS, I'm not saying I'm in this for money; I sincerely want to help people and if I could I'd do it all for free. But truth be told, as long as I'm not getting any income from it, I'll always hafta have some other distraction of a job on the side that will prevent me from doing all that I can with my music and with helping others. So if I can find a way of helping others and making music that pays, then I can go with it full-time, which is much more preferable.

3) Networking. I realize I don't have all the know-how, nor do I have all the resources, nor am I aware of all the opportunities available to me. So I'm networking with people from locals to unknowns to fairly well-known celebs to create a network for myself. Ideally, I would like to find people who trust what I'm about; people willing to give me the benefit of the doubt instead of hassling me until I'm dumbfounded. It's been a long journey and I'm tired; I'm not here to butt heads. But if it takes butting heads, then I can be a goat about it too. <----Okay, I'm a little tense, yes. Bare with me.


I've got three weeks before I go back to the grind. I plan to work day and night every day for those three weeks. I'll probably do some job-hunting as well in case I don't have a breakthru in those three; hopefully I can find something I can take up that will better suit me and better pay me. You never know.

Oh yeah... then there's the pressure issue. Pretty soon, I get the feeling my pops is gonna leave the bills to me. But ladies and gents, I'm not exactly living in a small apartment here. I'm talking HOUSE payments. Nothing gratis, every expense left to me. And on a full-house scale. How dope is that, eh? So there's even more pressure on me to work more and leave less time for me and my exploits to advance my vision. So right now, I'm kinda on a "fie on how anybody else feels about it" tip right now, simply cuz I have no time for it. You understand right...

Anywasy, regrettably I missed church today. But I'm making up in my mind right now that next Sunday I will be there, and I'im going to try never to miss a Sunday, like it used to be. Meantime, I got 6 days to get busy. So enough talk; gotta get to some REAL work.

Jesus Peace