How Could I Be So Thankless...

(sigh...) Once again I reluctantly return to the world of academia. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if you know me then you know I hate school, and if you don't know I hate school then you don't know me. But I did some thinking last night at work...

I probably got every award there was to get in every subject in grade school at some point. It was hard. Too many long nights. Too many perfect scores. Too many tests and assignments. Too many "yes ma'ams" and... well I didn't have many male teachers. Too many trophies and certificates come honor's day; too many kids picking on you at the end of the day.

With everything it took for me to get those awards and all, I got a lot of compliments and words of encouragement (from adults, I'd like to point out). It was okay; regardless of where it comes from, a pat on the back is a pat on the back; privileges are privileges. But yo... when it got to the point that my name became synonymous with academia... I began to resent every award, every certificate, every acclamade I ever received. If you've been keeping up, you know that it had gotten to a point that I had no regard whatsoever for my accomplishments, and even more, I regretted getting them in the first place.

Well... I think I'm out of order for that. For several reasons. Even though you don't like something, you still hafta be honest and recognize the blessing when it comes to you.

1. It was a privilege for me to be blessed with intelligence. To be able to comprehend so many things with ease; so many other people I knew struggled
to grasp things that came so easily to me. I was given a sharp mind, and it was nothing but God's grace that allowed me to have it.

2. It was a privilege for my work to be recognized at all. From talking to youths, I recognize that there are so many intelligent people who's work is never put in the spotlight. They have nothing to keep them motivated at all, while I had "motivation" and chose to push it aside.

3. The honors were more than for me. I didn't get to where I am by myself. I wasn't up all those nights working alone. I remember my mother staying on my back to make sure I got long assignments done, and I remember her helping me with quizzes and reviews. The honors I got not only recognized my work, but they commemorated the investment my parents made in me. Same thing for my family; I remember extended family being there when mom and dad were at work or at meetings. So many other kids didn't have that kinda support system. Again, it was only by God's grace that I did.

So there it is: I've been very thankless. Regardless of how I feel, the fact is I've been blessed in academics, and I repent for my feelings of animosity toward past accomplishments...



It's hard once you make that first A+/100 score, because then perfection becomes the standard. And once you do well in something, it's hard to convince those around you that its not the only thing you can do. I'm thankful for my past achievements and for everything that went into making them possible. I'm also thankful for the chance to further my education.

...That's all I got, Lord.