So High...

When I was little, I had a fear of heights. Heh... I got over it chasing girls; two young ladies said they were afraid to get on a roller coaster, so me and my ace boon stuck our chests out and showed 'em how it was done. To this day, I'm a lot more tolerant of high places...

Or maybe I'm not. You see, in light of the passing of my mother, my life has changed drastically. I'm in a position now where I can make serious decisions that could determine my future. Like right now, I can afford to pay my own tuition in school, meaning I'm finally in control of my own educational destiny. But it's not that easy; tomorrow, I'm gonna pawn my class ring to get the extra money. It's not that I can't afford to pay for it myself, but my plan is to save as much as possible, and losing that ring won't hurt me in the least. So I sacrifice the ring to keep the vast majority of my bank account; eventually the interest from that will more than make up for the loss.

Then there's the clincher... I'm not gonna be a full time student this time. The name of the game is: "only take what you can afford, and only you will have any say in your educational progress." If I can afford to take even one class, I can go to work on campus and reel in an extra $140-$200 on the side; more interest. The family wouldn't like this sideshow if they found out about it, but I just can't take the pressure of having them on my back... Best not to think about it.

Even further in the background, I'm reaching for support from friends. I'm planning and working on musical projects with the intent of making it work this time. I'm building relationships, sharpening my skills, and praying for the business sense to see it all come to pass. I hate from the bottom of my heart to say it, but money is something I'm gonna actually have to consider; at some point, the purity of the art may be lost to some degree. I'll never surrender my goals, but they may not be reached in the way I would've wanted.

I feel shaky because I'm walking a tightrope... Stepping gingerly, making my rounds... Not making any sudden moves, not making any sounds... Not looking down, not absorbing the fullness of the situation at hand... It's too high up, I have to focus on reaching the other side... Focus on the stability to come, when you reach the other side; when your dreams come true... But in the back of my mind, I know I'm so high...