I'm Tired; I'm Going to Sleep

I'm sorry for taking readers on sad walks like this. I never intended to do that, but it's just a rough time for me. Believe me, I won't be here much longer. But I just gotta share my feelings on this particular thing:

I got home today. Still haven't really settled myself, but I'm managing. Work went well last night. I got off late though, and ended up oversleeping and almost missing my first class today. No biggie. Had a make up a test for my second class today. No biggie. Almost forgot I had to make a presentation in my third class today until my classmate reminded me. The papers were in my car; grabbed em and got the job done. No biggie.

But then I get home, looking forward to taking a load off and making up for the rest of my sleep. What do I find in the doorway? A business card. I'm assuming it's another nice sentiment from someone who knew my mother. Maybe it was depending on how you look at it. Try a "special agent" from the IRS.

It seems so wrong to me how life revolves around death and taxes. Especially the taxes part. Who's idea was it for us to live like this, under the constant watch of some huge economic system that will follow us from the cradle to the grave and beyond if possible? I don't even know what the lady came by for, but I guarantee her superiors (and maybe her too, if things just suck like that) don't give a flying (use your imagination) how I feel right now. Humanity is so mechanized and systemized; it's hard for me to grieve right now because I know it's gonna put me further behind, ya know? And that's foul.

So am I afraid? I dunno... does it matter? I still gotta face whatever's on the horizon. Might as well look good doing it right? So nah, I'm not afraid. I left my name and number---BOTH numbers--- on the answering machine at her office. And u know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna write another entry. Then I'm gonna go to sleep. Cuz I'm tired.

Sweet DreamsB-J