I Felt Like Writing So...

Here I am. I got nothing to say really, cuz pretty much anything I say right now is gonna be negative. There' s no point in saying it then. I got class in 45 minutes. Was gonna try to make up a test today but, nah. Well... we'll see how I feel after class.

I'm loving this cold weather; if it wasn't for the static electricity, I'd have no grievances with it, lol. If I could fly I'd get up as high as I could and dive just to see how cold it gets on the way down. Looking forward to Christmas break; Christmas period. I think I love the season more than the holiday. Even the fake euphoria I see all around me; I'm so used to it that its actually kinda nice. I think I'll just play ignorant this year and go with the flow.

I don't celebrate most of the holidays for one reason or another, whether it be religious or logical. But if I scratch holidays off the calendar, I think I should create holidays to replace 'em.

Welp... 35 minutes before class now. I haven't read my material yet because in all the confusion I misplaced my syllabus. The game plan is get to class about 10-15 minutes early, find anybody with a syllabus, scan the material, and pray for a lecture day.

I finally got a little money out of my savings account. No prollem; I start my job tomorrow and I should replace it with interest by... hm... prolly by the end of next week. First objective: put enough money in to kill that service charge. 500 is the magic number. All the rest I can put in my checking account.

I wanna open up and talk to the people who are my "guardians" now, but I already know what they're gonna tell me. If I feel weak, they'll tell me to feel strong. If I feel lonely, they'll say we're with you. If I feel worried, they'll tell me to pray. If I feel powerless, they'll tell me to trust God. I could be wrong, but sometimes I think people need to feel bad for a little while. That's why I always tell cats "I feel ya" when they talk; I think sometimes all we need is empathy, not necessarily encouragement. I think that's how people set themselves up for breakdowns sometimes. Of course don't stay in your sorrow, but to just iron over it like it's not there, that's dangerous. I'd rather hurt now and work thru it than stick my chest out only to get it caved in later.

The only time I encourage people is when there is an unavoidable, undelayable task at hand that they must deal with immediately. And even then, when it's over, I encourage them to take some downtime. I don't feel like being strong right now. I feel like going to sleep for a week, and I'll get back to living next week. No phone calls, no visits, no advice, no sentiments; just let me disappear.

lol... I can't even fast properly with these people around me. They're already telling me to eat as if I'm starving myself (I can't help it; I have an extremely high metabolism). And I can't tell them "leave me alone; I'm fasting" because when you fast no one's supposed to know. Eh...

23 minutes left. I found a dollar when I stepped out of the car today; right after I came back from the bank. Dunno what to make of it. I'd like a dog or something (bump "or something", make it a dog) but I can't afford to keep one right now. Maybe in time. Hot new game Soul Calibur III just came out. Might be a nice distraction; and survey says distraction is the last thing I need right now. Think I want some legit nunchaku instead of the training set I have. Gotta get back in shape and keep up appearances after all. I think I lost weight this week. ANd I was only about 130 to begin with.

In life, sometimes it seems that there is no right way but to do as you're told. If so, that strikes me as a pretty sad existence. I feel like going back to my old cold self again: not having to worry about anybody else's interests or influences; intimidating people to the point that they won't even sit next to me. I miss those days sometimes.

Being in the country felt nice, but MAN going back to the country would suck. Well, maybe not. I guess it depends on who I'm with.

16 minutes left. Gotta skate. I'll drop a more cohesive blog later... if i feel it...